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Bryon Smith

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Books by Bryon Smith
  Dipwad Dundy, Can't Get A Ride.
by Bryon Smith
Friday, September 05, 2003


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Recent poems by Bryon Smith
•  Nebula, "Finger Print of God."
           >> View all 2


While answering a message to a friend of mine and professional videographer who I was counting on to join me on a paranormal video/TV production in Virginia City, NV I had a moment of insperation. He said he likely couldn't make it. The other person who I was counting on as backup also said she couldn't make it. And I wrote this poem in that message to my friend Matthew. Of course the business about "Dipwad Dundy" is an inside joke. Some of us will find the poem funner than most of you will.

Yes, some of it doesn't rhyme, but you will later see it was intended to be that way.

If you want to know who Dipwad Dundy is you can check him out on dream-link.org.


"Dipwad Dundy," 'Can't Get a Ride.'


 


So I said "Self" as I sometimes do,


"I'll beg someone out there to haul me around, :-)  that's what I'll do. 


And there will be people standing in line to drive me where I want to go." 


 Then I hung my head I frowned and said

"Oh God, Oh God, I'm so screwed 'Right there!'"

So I'll get me a big sturdy bag with handle and big wheels.
Up the steep hill I'll go just clicking my heels.
They will see me out there pulling my load, cursin' and yellin'...
"Look at that clown, he's so not Gellin'"

My tickets are bought, my schedule is set,
Walking or no I'll be on that production set.
In a haunted building, hotel or mansion,
Those ghosts just better watch out, because Ol’ Dipwad Dundy is coming to town.

'Videographer missing in action,' the headlines will read,
Dipwad Dundy held for ransom, by ghosts if you please.
People will look at each other and scratching their heads,
"Dipwad Dundy, it says, was raising the dead!"

The Sheriff will shake his head this I am sure,
Take a sip of his coffee and give it a stir.
He will read the report while shaking his head,
This city will be better off, but likely he's dead.

He'll take a bite of his donut and then he'll explain,
"He's wanted for disturbing the peace, the ghosts even complained.
For jay-walking, blocking traffic, and being a pain,
If I had him right now he'd be on the next plane.

He'll nail the missing person poster to the telephone pole,
Then he'll pull up his pants and tuck in his shirt so his belly button won't show.
Then with a shake of his head he will go,
”You-all think this is funny but he's wanted you know.”

"For what?" they will ask. "For a serious crime?"
The Sheriff explains, "In the penny token machine he put in a dime!
It's serious you know, a terrible crime,
And for writing bad poems that don't rhyme.”

When the production is finished and the credits roll,
Near the bottom lines a message is told...
"Are you frightened of ghosts, Did we give you a scare?"
"This production is dedicated to the memory, Of Dipwad Dundy, right there."


Dipwad Dundy's Website.


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Reviewed by Barbara Mercer 6/3/2007
Wonderfully funny poem, thanks for making me laugh.
Reviewed by Birgit and Roger Pratcher 2/23/2006
We, Birgit and I have been in his business for a little while and there's one thing for sure, this is a great poem. Kudos to you!! Roger and Birgit
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