Time
by Ashley J Wilson
Thursday, July 08, 2004
Rated "G" by the Author.
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This is just a rough draft, but please tell me what you think about it. Thanks. |
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An obscure black rose
Flash frozen within the heartbreak of time
With the blood of love
Steadily dripping off of the petals
Flowing down the stem
And into the depleted earth
Saturating
Nourishing
Absorbing
Preparing
For growth
Transformation
Liberation from the constrains of misery
Freedom from the weariness of woe
The continuation...
Of time.
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| Reviewed by Kevin Mc Crum (Reader) |
7/9/2004 |
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| Fully agree with Ace! |
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| Reviewed by jude forese |
7/9/2004 |
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actually, you do not need scarlet or red ... blood is red ... without those words it also works better as far as meter goes ...
Freedom from the weariness of woe
And the continuation
Of time
also works better rhythmically ... if that's the vein you intended ...
otherwise, a really good poem ...
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| Reviewed by ya mama (Reader) |
7/8/2004 |
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| it has a nice rhythm. needs sharper images though. scarlet is red, so you don't need both. if you are serious about the art form, read as much moder poetry you can get your hands on. cats like billy collins, james tate and charles simic i recommend. keep pushing, keep writing. from one "flathead" to another. |
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| Reviewed by Linda Hill |
7/8/2004 |
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This is equisite, Ashley...
Loved the flow and style very much...
~Linda |
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