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| Reviewed by Richard Atwood |
8/28/2008 |
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Like it. The contradictions are wild and imaginative.
I know it's not great to correct other's works. But if it were me,
I believe it'd be much better to put the last parenthesis after cheek, (not a comma) -- put smile directly after that, period. Then,
trim your last line to possibly: "the essence of contradiction.!"
Moving upwards -- "Borealis," please.
Shakespeare (ends with an "e").
Start with a capital "I'm" in the first line. (I know what you're after, but the capital is still better.)
In the fourth stanza, drop the first "i'm."
It would thus seem clearer, crisper, and more concise.
Sorry, if I've offended you. I just see alot of potential there that is really close to the mark of being real poetry, and not just
personal rambling.
(And maybe... "tragic" clown...? That way it doesn't repeat/conflict with the previous "cosmically.")
Rick A.
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| Reviewed by Lois Christensen |
5/16/2008 |
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| Surprising to see the butterfly. My hubby's spirit came back to me as a beautiful black and blue with white dots butterfly. My hubby's nephew came back to his son Sam as a brown butterfly and sits on Sam's shoulder each spring. They are with us in spirit always and will never be forgotten. I know it hasn't seemed to get any easier for me since Aug 17 07 but I try to go on each day a little better. |
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| Reviewed by Emile Tubiana |
8/31/2007 |
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| Autumn Borielis, I guess that every human being passes through different situations than any other one. But the sum of this experience forges the human being to elevate him or her. I am confident that the author of the poem agrees with me. Keep going, beautiful life is awaiting you just around the corner. Emile |
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| Reviewed by Sharmagne Leland-St. John(quillandparchment.com) (Reader) |
9/9/2004 |
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Good poem Autumn!!
I too am a recent widow... I don't know what to tell you, except that it does get better, but it takes a long, long time. Here is the most recent poem I have written about that experience, it is called Windy City...I'd like to share it with you:
http://archives.quillandparchment.com/Jan2004/Windy.html
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| Reviewed by Scott Zachary |
8/1/2004 |
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Enjoyed the contrasts. "Goofy awkward as a young giraffe" - great simile.
Scott |
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| Reviewed by George MacLean Akurunwa |
7/22/2004 |
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| And also a writer, a poet! |
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| Reviewed by Jerry Andrews |
6/17/2004 |
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| I like the way you write, woman! Damn good and refreshing. Keep that style. Most people can't do what you do. Now- I proofread for a lot of my friends.Shakespeare; Borealis; giraffe; goofily awkward. Come by and read Journey(It will be special for you). Then my best: Long Gone Love- Then Old Souls, then Willow. Let me know what you think, please. Jerry |
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| Reviewed by m j hollingshead |
6/13/2004 |
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| i like your work! keep writing |
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| Reviewed by Ed Matlack |
6/12/2004 |
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| This was wonderfully descriptive of mental health gone round the bend, and I wish I had written it. It told of the writer as well as it had lyrical little "thing" to it, (hard to think of words with half a load, sorry) anyway I personally like this and will send it on to a few friends, hope you don't mind...? Peace thru the Write, Ed & Rufuz |
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| Reviewed by anne cunningham |
6/12/2004 |
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| loved this, totally get the graceful gone girrafe phenomenon and most excellent ending stanza. |
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