After thirty years
He finally told me
The reason he so ardently
Applied himself
To making my life hell
He is a dozen years my senior
Our union was a mistake, I guess
As I was a child when he met me
And I was escaping an unfathomable mess
Of a life of intolerable violence
Which I chose to leave
No matter the consequence
Or the dues I would have to pay
Or what those who loved me chose to believe
I just had to fold
On the hand life dealt me
To survive
And this man took me in
His world was a magazine
Sensational from a news stand
A shock value fairytale
His fame controlled him
I could not compete
And it tore me apart
And although I chose to leave him, too,
He has always had my heart
He loves me
This I know
I do not need for him to tell me so
For though I chose a different path
His presence has never left
And our years have not been uneventful
I stand in awe of him
The only man I have ever loved
Except for my father
He is beautiful
Like a god
And there are those that think he is a god
Or so I have been told
I gave to him a child
And he considers her the greatest gift
Time has changed us
And he loves me
He still tells me so
The years have brought
The normal tolls
The pain of losing those we cherish
Pain we must endure
And as the years pass
I grow to understand
That while I thought
Back then
That what we had was tainted
We have a pure and honest love
Born of passion that was smothered
By the things that passion brings to those too
Young and inexperienced to hold the tail of that tornado
And the answer was so simple
He says I hurt him with rejection
And he lived twenty years
With a wounded heart
With someone he never loved
Untrue to himself
So painful to know how I hurt
Such a passionate soul
So talented
So handsome
But we could never admit the truth
It is so true that the best of years
Are wasted upon ignorant youth
In our privacy
I still hold his hand in mine
I dry his weeping eyes
I am loyal to this man
In the midst of the trainwreck
That became our lives
It is a place in my life that no one else sees
A secret spot for only him and me
No one else would ever believe
Just me and Johnny C