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Leland Waldrip

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The Land of Sandra Dee -- Anonymous author
by Leland Waldrip
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Rated "G" by the Author.
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Recent poems by Leland Waldrip
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This bit of nostalgia was sent to me by a friend. I think it has been making the rounds but if you haven't seen it ...


 

Long ago and far away,
In a land that time forgot,
Before the days of Dylan
Or the dawn of Camelot.


There lived a race of innocents,
 And they were you and me,
Long ago and far away
In the Land of Sandra Dee.


Oh, there was truth and goodness
In that land where we were born,
Where navels were for oranges,
And Peyton Place was porn.


For Ike was in the White House,
And Hoss was on TV,
And God was in his heaven
In the Land of Sandra Dee.


We learned to gut a muffler,
We washed our hair at dawn,
We spread our crinolines to dry
In circles on the lawn.


And they could hear us coming
All the way to Tennessee,
All starched and sprayed and rumbling
In the Land of Sandra Dee.


We longed for love and romance,
And waited for the prince,
And Eddie Fisher married Liz,
And no one's seen him since.


We danced to "Little Darlin'",
And Sang to "Stagger Lee"
And cried for Buddy Holly
In the Land of Sandra Lee.


Only girls wore earrings then,
And three was one too many,
And only boys wore flat-top cuts,
Except for Jean McKinney.


And only in our wildest dreams
Did we expect to see
A boy named George with Lipstick
In the Land of Sandra Dee.


We fell for Frankie Avalon,
Annette as oh, so nice,
And when they made a movie,
They never made it twice.


We didn't have a Star Trek Five,
Or Psycho Two and Three,
Or Rocky-Rambo Twenty
In the Land of Sandra Dee.


Miss Kitty had a heart of gold,
And Chester had a limp,
And Reagan was a Democrat
Whose co-star was a chimp.


We had a Mr Wizard,
But not a Mr T,
And Oprah couldn't talk yet
In the Land of Sandra Dee.


We had our share of heroes,
We never thought they'd go,
At least not Bobby Darin,
Or Marilyn Monroe.


For youth was still eternal,
And life was yet to be,
And Elvis was forever,
In the Land of Sandra Dee.


We'd never seen the rock band
That was Grateful to be Dead,
And Airplanes weren't named Jefferson,
And Zeppelins weren't Led.


And Beatles lived in gardens then,
And Monkees in a tree,
Madonna was a virgin
In the Land of Sandra Dee.


We'd never heard of Microwaves,
Or telephones in cars,
And babies might be bottle-fed,
But they weren't grown in jars.


And pumping iron got wrinkles out,
And "gay" meant fancy-free,
And dorms were never coed
In the Land of Sandra Dee.


We hadn't seen enough of jets
To talk about the lag,
And microchips were what was left
At the bottom of the bag.


And Hardware was a box of nails,
And bytes came from a flea,
And rocket ships were fiction
In the Land of Sandra Dee.


Buicks came with portholes,
A side show came with freaks,
And bathing suits came big enough
To cover both your cheeks.


Coke came just in bottles,
Skirts came to the knee,
And Castro came to power
In the Land of Sandra Dee.


We had no Crest with Fluoride,
We had no Hill Street Blues,
We all wore superstructure bras
Designed by Howard Hughes.


We had no patterned pantyhose
Or Lipton herbal tea
Or prime-time ads for condoms
In the Land of Sandra Dee.


There were no golden arches,
No Perriers to chill,
And fish were not called Wanda,
And cats were not called Bill.


And middle-aged was thirty-five
And old was forty-three,
And ancient were our parents
In the Land of Sandra Dee.


But all things have a season,
Or so we've heard them say,
And now instead of Maybelline
We swear by Retin-A.


And they send us invitations
To join AARP,
We've come a long way, baby,
From the Land of Sandra Dee.


So now we face a brave new world
In slightly larger jeans,
And wonder why they're using
Smaller print in magazines.


And we tell our children's children
Of the way it used to be,
Long ago and far away
In the Land of Sandra Dee.

 

Rappahannock Books
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Reviewed by Susan de Vegter 2/5/2010
Goodness gracious at the levity this brought to me. In those wonderful days Kotex boxes came in purple boxes as huge as Pamper boxes do today. Goodness comes with memories!
Susan
Reviewed by Amber Moonstone 4/7/2009
I have read this poem somewhere and all I can say is that, It was the land of innocence but also ignorance. I will take today over that. The other thing that stands out in my mind is the fact that I am responding to this poem due to our wonderful internet world. Life was so stagnant and living in a box...Look at the progress and all the possibilities now for all of us to reach out and share our poetry/and lives with each other. I think this is a much healthier lifestyle!!!

Peace, love, and light,
Amber "V"
Reviewed by Boots Dorfman 2/5/2008
With all due respect, I find myself compelled to offer this response:

Bygone Days Remembered ...Truly

Based on the poem "In The Land of Sandra Dee"

Long ago and far away,
In a time I well recall,
A lot of folks were very weird,
But thought they knew it all

Before the days of Roe v. Wade,
There lived a race of fools
Who dwelt in Never-Never Land
Where wistful thinking rules

And all seemed truth and goodness,
In that land that Time erased,
Where women mostly stayed at home,
And non-whites knew their place

And only in our wildest dreams
Did we expect to see
Most people doing as they pleased
In the Days of Sandra Dee.

And we all did as we were told,
And ne'er kicked up a fuss,
For if we did, the Million-Pound
Shit-Hammer dropped on us

And they could hear us coming
All the way to Tennessee,
All starched and sprayed (and 'way repressed)
In the Land of Sandra Dee.

For Ike was in the White House,
Billy Graham was on TV, and
The State could force your kids to pray
In the Schools of Sandra Dee.

They meddled with our motto,
All those Senators and Reps
"Out of Many, One" seemed
To be lacking verve and pep

A better motto, they believed
Would "Trust God," paramount,
("Those Deists may pay taxes,
But you know, they just don't count")

We longed for love and romance,
Women all besought their Prince
Then got wed to a macho jerk
Who has not been seen since

We danced to "Little Darlin'",
Sang along to "Stagger Lee"
(A funny pop song, oozing blood)
In the Land of Sandra Dee.

We fell for Frankie Avalon,
Annette we did adore
(Each movie that they made
Was cloned from what they'd done before)

Miss Kitty had a heart of gold,
And Chester had a limp;
Miss Kittie was a madam,
Chester was a goofy gimp

We had our share of heroes,
Some like Bobby Darin; he
(A second-rate Sinatra)
Married our girl, Sandra Dee

For youth was still eternal,
And life was yet to be,
And Elvis wed a 16-year-old girl
(Not Sandra Dee)

We'd never seen a rock band
That was Grateful to be Dead;
Our music and our lyrics
Tasted strongly of White Bread

And Beatles lived in gardens then,
Instead of Liverpool
And some guys thought that bashing queers
Was really, really cool

We had no patterned pantyhose
Or reproduction texts
Or prime-time ads for condoms
(Of course, WE did NOT have sex)

We'd never heard of birth control,
And if you fooled around,
You had the kid (no matter
If a good home could be found)

And pumping iron got wrinkles out,
And "gay" meant fancy-free,
(The closets, they were good and full
In the Days of Sandra Dee)

Buicks came with portholes,
And the sideshows came with freaks,
And oh, the fun we'd have,
Just lining up to gawk at geeks!

Only girls wore earrings then,
No nipple rings were worn
(Now that I think about it,
Itís a shame THAT fad was born)

And Coke came just in bottles,
And skirts came to the knee,
And Cuban missiles very nearly
Started World War III

So now we tell our grand kids
Of our oddball yesterdays;
I do not know about you, Pal;
I'm glad they've gone away

Boots, 2006

Reviewed by Dawn Anderson 1/23/2008
This is absolutely wonderful. Had me smiling from ear to ear!
Reviewed by Corky Baird (Reader) 10/29/2007
This also sent to Mr. Leland:

Mr. Waldrip, are you aware that "The Land of Sandra Dee" is circulating in emails with the last lines in every other quatrain (sp?)changed to "In the Land That Made Me Me"?. . .Great poem. . .Thank you. . .and. . .

I wish you good things,

Corky
Reviewed by Southern Comfort 7/15/2007
This was an awesome write by a very talented writer
Reviewed by Patti Wyatt (Reader) 1/18/2007
Reviewed by Doug Arrington (Reader) 11/3/2006
Love this nostalgic walk down Memory Lane but I echo the previous reader: Who is Jean McKinney? And the author, if not you? ("...sent to me by a friend.")

Doug
Reviewed by Stacey Conover (Reader) 10/26/2006
It's wonderful. But I do have one question. Who's Jean McKinney?
Reviewed by Ronald Hull 10/15/2006
Thanks for posting. Haven't seen this one but I do remember well.

Ron
Reviewed by C. J. Stevens 10/14/2006
On reading this one begins to smile, the smile becomes a wide grin, and the grin turns into a loud laugh of recognition. A really fun one (though at the time we wouldn't dare use 'fun' as an adjective.)
Thank you, Leland!
CJ
Reviewed by Jerry Bolton (Reader) 10/12/2006
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh . . . Gotta love it.
Reviewed by Andre Bendavi ben-YEHU 10/12/2006

Reminiscing the beautiful days in "The Land of Sandra Dee".

Thank You for sharing this jewel.

Healthy and Bliss.

I salute You, Poet.


Andre Emmanuel Bendavi ben-YEHU
Reviewed by richard cederberg 10/12/2006
Leland ...

A delightful walk down memory lane.
Who was the author of this gem?

"And middle-aged was thirty-five
And old was forty-three,"

considering this statement above, I might as well apply now for my Ambrosia and Geritol cocktail.

Light and Wisdom ...
Richard Lloyd cederberg
Reviewed by E T Waldron 10/12/2006
Thanks for sharing Leland! This is a history lesson in itself and brilliantly written!

Love,
Eileen
Reviewed by Tinka Boukes 10/12/2006
Well written Leland!!

You always deliver something worth reaqding!!

Love Tinka
Reviewed by M.Bennett Hooper (Mikii) 10/12/2006
A truly delightful read Leland. Young people really think we're ancient you know, but they don't cease in delighting to hear about yesterdays when they are told as delightful as this. PLB&G for caring and sharing. <Mikii>
Reviewed by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado 10/12/2006
Good to see you, Leland; you haven't lost your touch! Very well done!

(((HUGS))) and much love, your friend in Tx., Karen Lynn. :D
Reviewed by Rusty Daily 10/12/2006
Man, did the memories flood back. Thank you for posting this. Will print this to show my kids, you know, the ones who don't know telephones used to have a dial.
Rusty
Reviewed by Sue Hess 10/12/2006
this was so good i read it twice.
Reviewed by Ed Matlack 10/12/2006
This was excellent, a great way to remember the past & what size was YOUR superstructure bra...? ed



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