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GRANT D MCLEMAN

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Member Since: Sep, 2007

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MOMENT ON THE METRO
by GRANT D MCLEMAN

Saturday, September 15, 2007
Rated "G" by the Author.
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Recent poems by GRANT D MCLEMAN
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I have revised the ending of this poem and removed a line earlier on. Also, the lines beginning "I would marry" and "I wish your dimples" should be italicised.

MOMENT ON THE METRO

I get on at Bastille,

the carriage is as hot as Algiers

and about as busy.

Nobody is talking except

the twins who sit near the door,

discussing their route to wherever

they may go


I would marry you because

you have dimples when you smile.

No other reason


I watch them act out their small drama

and listen to the way they talk,

the one on the left has all the plans.

Nothing else exists,

and then, I hear the brakes squeal

the doors slam open

and they are gone.


I wish your dimpled smile had stayed,

we could have gone to Algiers,

to the glistening white of the old town

and the camel trains of the desert

Verbal Art/Wordlab

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Reviewed by Chris Wright 9/16/2007
Interesting! I can feel the ride external as well as the internal ride through thought within the narrator. The wishing and wanting to go elsewhere eventhough you're moving on the train has phenomenal tension. Lastly it was finely topped off with the great sense of loss at the end and the feeling of what if? A Well Written Masterpiece Indeed.
Reviewed by Jerry Bolton (Reader) 9/16/2007
Great imagery, I was there . . . Watching . . . Evesdropping . . . Smelling the train and the people . . . Like your style . . .
Reviewed by Kathy Armijo 9/15/2007
The smile of a stranger can light up our day. Makes us wish we could put that smile in our pocket to take out another day [when we're feeling down].

Smiling,
Kathy
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