I used to be one of you
wrapped up in the excitement of holiday cheer
Now I sit on the outside looking in
Unable to share in the laughter
Finding it hard to smile when your
Cousin Jimmy starts to groove
to his favorite jam
popping his fingers and swaying his hips
Remembrances haunting my mind of
Times gone by forever lost
You can't understand why I don't want
to be a part of your celebration
Not knowing that your happiness
simply adds to my misery
Not hating you just envying the love
Longing for mama and the others
who used to fill the room with
laughter and good times
memories haunting me like
soulful songs spinning on the turntable
"sittin' on the dock oh da' bay
watchin' the tiiiiide roll away..."
"Y'all stop running through this house"
"Girl this sweet potato pie is something good!"
"Now go outside, can't you see grown folks are talking?"
sitting on the outside looking in
longing, missing mama's gumbo
warm hugs that smell of estee lauder and brandy
"What y'all doing down there?"
Grape soda and potato chips
looking at people who look like me
"Lord, chile if you ain't the spitting image of your mama."
I am the outsider looked upon with pity
Conspicuous Whispers
"Who is she? Where is her family?"
Wanting to be alone
Tears welling up
Feeling unsure
out of place
an outsider
looking in