AuthorsDen.com  Join Free! | Login 

 
   Popular! Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry
Where Authors and Readers come together!

Signed Bookstore | Authors | eBooks | Books | Stories | Articles | Poetry | Blogs | News | Events | Reviews | Videos | Success | Gold Members | Testimonials

Featured Authors: Frances Seymour, ijude forese, iGracie McKeever, iSteven Ulmen, iErnie Heavin, iRon Cox, iA.J. Mahari, i
  Home > Poetry > Poetry
Popular: Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry     

David A. Schwinghammer

  + Follow Me   

· 239 titles
· 212 Reviews
· Share with Friends!
· Save to My Library
·
Member Since: Dec, 2007

   Sitemap
   My Blog
   Contact Author
   Message Board
   Read Reviews

Books
· Soldier's Gap

· Soldier's Gap


Short Stories
· Mengele's Double, Chapter 9

· Seminary Boy, a memoir

· Fisher of Men, Chapter Nine

· Soldier's Gap, Chapter Three

· Honest Thief, Tender Murderer, Chapter Nine

· Fisher of Men, Chapter 8

· Honest Thief, Tender Murderer, Chapter Eight

· Mengele's Double, Chapter Eight

· Bereavement Blues

· Fisher of Men, Chapter 7


Articles
· Fire Lover, a True Story, book review

· Missoula, book review

· Another Shakespeare Doubter, book review

· Flights of Passage, book review

· The Lusitania, book review

· The Wilderness of Ruin, book review

· A Beautiful Mind, book review

· Another Planet, book review

· The Three Stooges, book review

· The God Particle


Poetry
· Fashion

· Widow's Peak

· Myth

· Alumni Game

· Stradivarius

· Snow-a-holic

· Girls Who Wear Glasses

· The Do Drop Inn

· Ode to Neve Campbell

· Never My Love

         More poetry...

David A. Schwinghammer, click here to update your web pages on AuthorsDen.

   
Books by David A. Schwinghammer
  Jacks or Better 101
by David A. Schwinghammer
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
Rated "R" by the Author.

Share   Print   Save


Recent poems by David A. Schwinghammer
•  Fashion
•  Widow's Peak
•  Myth
•  Alumni Game
•  The Do Drop Inn
           >> View all 12


Freshman English is a lot like playing poker with a Boatswainsmate.


Jacks or Better 101

 

“No wild cards - no ‘Spit in the Ocean’ - no ‘Black bottom’ - No ‘Roll your Own’ - no joker - we don’t play no pussified poker in this game!”

(This is expository writing not creative writing. Your essays should have a beginning, a middle, and an end. You must have a thesis statement. You must employ transitions.)

“Pot limit, dollar ante, dealer calls the game. We don’t stand for crybabies. If you lose your money, go to bed. We don’t wanna hear from mama or you’ll hear from us.”

(Three mechanical errors and you will receive an automatic fail. We assume a freshman at this college has a degree of proficiency in grammar and the use of the dictionary.)

“Low Ball? What the fuck is that? I thought I said we don’t play no pussy games. We play ‘Five Card Stud,’ ‘Seven Card Stud,’ and ‘Jacks or Better’. Any more of that shit and you’re out of the game. Where you from, boy? They wear pants where you come from?”

(The adverb “there” is spelled t-h-e-r-e, the possessive pronoun “their” is spelled t-h-e-i-r, the contraction “they’re” is spelled t-h-e-y-’-r-e. Such a glaring error is not tolerated in Expository Writing 101. A repetition of this kind of carelessness and we may have to place you in remedial English.).

“You want four cards? How dumb are you, kid? You might as well give me your money. You can only draw three cards in draw poker. Sweet rain of Christ!”

(When using a quotation from an outside source, the author of said source must be attributed. The footnote of said source must be located at the bottom of the page and indented five spaces. If the footnote is improperly indented, a deduction of one half grade will be taken.)

“So what have you got? Mother humper! You’ve got a straight and you drew three cards. You got a horse shoe up your ass, kid!”

(Profanity or obscenity will not be tolerated. In the event that such words seem called for, a suitable euphemism should be used.)


Mystery Writer


Want to review or comment on this poem?
Click here to login!


Need a FREE Reader Membership?
Click here for your Membership!




Popular Poetry (Poetry)
  1.  You Can Have Me
  2.  Petrichor
  3.  Love... Each Day
  4.  Gypsy
  5.  Soul Mates
  6.  Porcelain Clay
  7.  Blind, Deaf and Thoughtless
  8.  'The real me'
  9.  No Cardinal Sin
  10.  Mother Nature's Lesson

Authors alphabetically: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Featured Authors | New to AuthorsDen? | Add AuthorsDen to your Site
Share AD with your friends | Need Help? | About us


Problem with this page?   Report it to AuthorsDen
AuthorsDen, Inc. All rights reserved.