Oh! You’re such a TOOL!
There once was a climber named Jack
Who had quite an array on his rack.
In addition to bolts, he had nuts and some ‘Dolts’,
To fill out his climbing rucksack.
Crack of Doom!
My girl’s not a climber, alas,
But she does have this cute little ass.
So although I may fall, I’m not scared at all,
When I plunge into that yawning crevasse.
But I never inhaled!
While climbing once on a steep slope
A friend stopped to blow some good dope.
As he abseiled down, he had quite a frown,
When he rappelled off the end of the rope!
Rangefinder Rick, USNPS
Here's a toast to Rangefinder Rick,
That nasty Yosemite prick!
May his ‘Smokey’ hat wilt, as he drives at full tilt
To warn us off climbing ‘Big Dick’.
Lookie up there, mommy!
On a difficult wall one hot day
My rope-mate called out for belay,
For he’d drunk himself silly, so out came his willy,
To indulge in a glorious spray…