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Kalikiano Kalei

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· U S Chemical and Biological Defense Respirators

Short Stories
· Saddam's Toilet, Part 3

· Saddam's Toilet, Part 2

· Zipping Flies with Papa Hemingway

· Searching For Haumea...

· Farewell to Sherlockville

· Down in the Valley--Chapter 1

· First Class, or Guaranteed Delivery?

· The Fruitcake King of Riyadh

· Maile and the Little Green Menehune

· The First (Near) Ascent of Heartbreak Hill

· German Wartime Ejection Seat Developments

· Luftwaffe Air-Evacuation in WW2

· Creating an authentic 2WK Luftwaffe Aircrewman Impression

· The Luftwaffe 2WK Aviation Watches

· German aviator breathing systems in the 2WK

· Ritter der Lüfte: Chivalry in 2WK aerial combat

· War From the German Perspective: A Matter of Differential History

· Recreating Luftwaffe WW2 History

· Film Review: Final Approach (1991)

· Cafe Racing of the 60s: Rockers, Ton-up Boys and the 59 Club

· If women had udders...!

· Five Up, One Down...

· First ascent of Broad Peak!

· Sawtooth Haiku

· Somewhere in my sleep

· The soundless temple bell

· Hearts and minds

· Rabbit gazing at full moon

· Koto-kaze

· Hara: Reality as fantasy

         More poetry...
· Local Writer Not Slated to Receive Steinbeck Foundation Recognition

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  More dirty climbing limericks
by Kalikiano Kalei
Thursday, June 09, 2011
Rated "PG" by the Author.

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Recent poems by Kalikiano Kalei
•  If women had udders...!
•  Of Rose, as sunset floods the room at dusk
•  Five Up, One Down...
•  First ascent of Broad Peak!
•  Sainted Mother Teresa
           >> View all 59

Back in the 70s, 'dirty climbing limericks' like these were a regular part of the evening's amusement in Yosemite's notorious 'Camp-4', when certain of us got together in the moon-shadow of the valley walls to kick back around a fire with a jug of Red Mountain wine. These were not normally 'bivy-limericks' since we usually had enough to occupy our attention completely while hanging tenuously on a bolt above several thousand feet of empty space!


Oh! You’re such a TOOL!

There once was a climber named Jack

Who had quite an array on his rack.

In addition to bolts, he had nuts and some ‘Dolts’,

To fill out his climbing rucksack.


Crack of Doom!

My girl’s not a climber, alas,

But she does have this cute little ass.

So although I may fall, I’m not scared at all,

When I plunge into that yawning crevasse.


But I never inhaled!

While climbing once on a steep slope

A friend stopped to blow some good dope.

As he abseiled down, he had quite a frown,

When he rappelled off the end of the rope!

In Memorium:
Rangefinder Rick, USNPS

Here's a toast to Rangefinder Rick,

That nasty Yosemite prick!

May his ‘Smokey’ hat wilt, as he drives at full tilt

To warn us off climbing ‘Big Dick’.


Lookie up there, mommy!

On a difficult wall one hot day

My rope-mate called out for belay,

For he’d drunk himself silly, so out came his willy,

To indulge in a glorious spray…



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Reviewed by Ingeborg von Finsterwalde 7/15/2014
Thank you for making my day. It feels so good to laugh. Very clever wording.

Reviewed by Patrick Granfors 3/28/2014
Very clever,amusing and original. Patrick
Reviewed by Chantilly Lace (Reader) 6/10/2011
LOL ...too funny is right ... great job ... Hugss...
Reviewed by Regis Auffray 6/9/2011
I enjoy writing (and reading) limericks and I have posted quite a number here at AD. Thank you for the smiles, Kalikiano. Love and peace to you,

Reviewed by Annabel Sheila 6/9/2011
Hahahahaha!!! Toooooo funny! Enjoyed these...

Reviewed by Ed Matlack 6/9/2011
I may not know climbing, nor do I know of Yosemite, but these are all damn funny, especially the last one...e

Books by
Kalikiano Kalei

U S Chemical and Biological Defense Respirators

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  1. Encounters: Little Red Riding Hood (and ot
  2. abstraction on evergreen sojourn
  3. Absurd Valley
  4. The Dream Me
  5. The Dancer
  6. This Woman
  7. Women Are Women
  8. Standing Tall
  9. an aging man still searching...
  10. Dew Drop Clause
  11. A Poems Soul
  12. Modern Poets
  13. We Were Blessed
  14. When an Angel Leaves
  15. Your Ghost Came Calling
  16. What Will Be
  17. The Beauty Of Spring
  18. broken dreams
  19. The Freight Train
  20. Sundown in Thibodaux

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