I am tired of hating you

for the brutality I suffered at the hands of other men;

I never mean to bite you so deep when I am supposed to be dipping

my blossoms into your earth

in that moment of honey hive sweetness between a man and a woman

but I fall either to my claws inside your back

aching to rip them apart in you

or deaden every curve to your touch

sleeping inside a memory just at the perimeter of little girl skirts of Asian silk

pulled high

for him to emblazon every inch of flesh violet and bruised blues sounds

Billie Holiday sorrows worming their way against my temples

and I forget that I am here with you

and you become the man who beat me

the one who broke me

the one who bloodied me on the basement floor until my thighs were cut

to the bone

with blood in the footsteps of the men in blue

who came to save the day

but were too late to save the girl into the pure rose blossom at the edge

of bitterness and rage

 

I am tired of blaming you

for every  lie and indiscretion they commited;

I don't hear your words

shadows take me when I see your boyish charms reflected

in another woman's eyes

and the little ruby red beastie comes out on the tip of my red tongue

to lash you into submission until you shake and stumble

on the keen blade of my cruel brand of girlish rage

and you are a bird in a puddle

and I am feline playful vicious child

slicing my own self to pieces with my rage

 

I am tired of not letting you love me

as I loved those men who corrupted every ounce of my childhood

and broke my woman to pieces before she blended

into a single charachter inside my skin;

I am a thousand fragments remebering a thousand moments

of love being met with rape and slices of a knife

or a horse whip

barred with glittering spikes of steel

against any chance I had to be loved

 

But I am tired now

of being in so many pieces;

so here I am

as strong as I am in my anger

I know I can be as strong in my love

the journey is never over

it begins every day

and if I can just find every piece of Eve's Bloom in my fragmants

surely then

I could put myself back together

and let myself be loved

 

 

copyright:2008victoriaselenemskyedeme