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Lena Kovadlo

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Member Since: May, 2008

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Poem: A Dream Or Not?
by Lena Kovadlo

Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Not rated by the Author.
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Recent poems by Lena Kovadlo
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           >> View all 59

Wrote a new poem. There are two versions on here. There is the revised version and the original underneath it. Thanks. Looking forward to your feedback.

A Dream Or Not? - revision

January 11, 2010

 

I dreamed a dream
In which I flew
From skies above,
From skies of blue.
 
And then these skies,
They turned to black.
With eyes of red,
The bats attacked.
 
They flew and flew
Straight through my heart,
With streaks of red
That left their mark.
 
I flew and flew
To lands below,
With streaks of red
That overflowed.
 
Then I awoke,
And through the mirror,
Saw my reflection
Getting clearer.
 
My eyes were red,
My body black,
My heart a hole,
And I wreck.
 
The dream I dreamed
Wasn't just a dream.
I was attacked
By bats it seemed.
 
And those bats
Were loves gone by
That left me here
Drained to die.  

 

© Copyright 2010 Lena Kovadlo. All rights reserved. 

 

 This poem is included in the poetry book A Crimson Tide.


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Reviewed by Ruan Mills Burke 7/1/2013
Love the stark imagery here. very dramatic mental scenery comes with your rich word selections.
Potent writing power!
Rx

Note: The original is not underneath as suggested t the top of this page.
Reviewed by Felix Perry 1/12/2010
I love this and only minor suggestions would be try to avoid the use of "and" and "the" where not necessary. Verse four you may want to change that line so it ends in flow not flowed. Other than it is strong and vivid and fresh so keep it up...
fee
Reviewed by Regis Auffray 1/12/2010
In the last stanza, I would write "And all those bats" in order to keep the same number of beats per line. Try to avoid "The did impart." This is archaic and doesn't seem to "fit" these days. Perhaps "Drew streaks of red That fit the part." These are just suggestions as you requested, Lena. Good stuff, though. Love and best wishes,

Regis
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