by JerApril Vaeni
Friday, June 14, 2002
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My ego-bound bullshit.
My, what a way with words you have.
What a flattering image of me you carry.
Before you even open your mouth let me say it for you…
“You’ve got it all wrong.” Or was it…
“It’s not about that.” Or maybe this time it’ll be…
“You just don’t hear me.”
YOU JUST DON’T HEAR ME!
Open your ears before the unthinkable sneaks up behind you and rips your heart from your chest. Open your ears before I am forced to scream so loudly that the world will crumble around our feet and all this will have meant nothing anyway. So you know that our sole purpose is to exist without existing, think without thinking, reason without logic….breathe without living. I really don’t give a rip. That’s right. I don’t care. What you think/believe/know is entirely irrelevant to me.
This is me. Putting my foot down.
I’m tired of all of this
I’m tired of the inferiority complexes you give me
I’m tired of having everything that passes my lips cut short
Decapitated in the face of your supreme knowledge and arrogance.
So this is my proposition to you.
Take me as I am, or not at all.
I am human, trans-rational or not… I am me. You must learn to accept this. To not think of it as leaving me behind. This isn’t a race… and it’s not a contest of wills. I am unpoetically telling you that it has to stop before it turns destructive. It has to stop right now, Jeremy.
I want you more than I’ve wanted anything in a long time. It’s incredible the way you’ve shifted my emotions towards something much more beautiful and healthy…I don’t want anything to come between us. So, please… please Jer just let it go. Fight your own inner battles without entangling me within them. Leave my salvation to me.
"Your judgement, your mind, your affection, your life are being perverted by things which have no value, and herein lies sorrow." J.K.