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This is something I actually considered, but once I actually wrote the feelings down, I decided to go on and take what's coming. Still, I'm posting it so that maybe it'll help someone out there whose lover has disappeared to understand why it happens sometimes. I now have more mercy for this particular sort of coward than I used to...but still no pity, since I overcame it, and let myself read the "I'm still thinking about it/us" crap. Even though it is crap, it's crap that is needed for closure. I feel better than I would have if I had just run away.

i love you
and it was beautiful
and you are beautiful
and i felt beautiful with you

but you will never see me again

i don't want to hate you
i would rather hate myself
and i don't want to hold you back
or hurt you
or cause problems for you
you have so much else to live for
than me
so much more of your life ahead of you
than me

so think of me
as someone
who used you
and threw you away

you're strong
you can survive that
and someday
when someone who's feasble comes along
you'll appreciate her stability
more than you desired my fertility

yes i am a coward
i fear your finding a reason
to be rid of me
or even seeking them
even if you dismiss them

i would just rather not see that
i am not strong enough
i know my limits

so i fade
to fuel your hopes
and your desires
not to kill them
with reality

though unwilling to lengthen
the time of this tear
i am confident enough
i know that you will
keep the memory
of me
there aren't many
like me

and i'd rather bear
an eternity of your hatred
than the moment
of your rejection

i love you
goodbye