Web Site: Carlita's Camp Like Chelsea Handler only Not Famous and Broke
Three Vegas chicks out for a night of fun, laughter, drinks and men when two of the begin to fight and all goes awry.
It all started innocent enough. Then again, nothing in this town is ever starts out innocently...
As soon as Clover picked us up from the airport, I could tell there was something wrong with her. Even with the air-conditioning blasting on Arctic she still was sweating like she was at work at the Red Rooster. Her face looked like it was frozen somewhere between crying and laughing hysterically. I assumed she was just pissed that I had neglected to invite her with Shasta and me to the Monterey Jazz Festival. But in her mind I still had the audacity to ask her to pick us up from the airport so she got high to cover up her frustration with me. However when I asked her was she upset because of the lack of invite she assured me that all was fine.
Clover claimed she’d been sick the past few days and she was in desperate need of getting out the house to get some serious vitamins sun, booze, and for lack of a better word ween. Having no other choice but to believe her, I nodded my head yes. Although when Clover is desperate to do anything, things usually go way wrong.
While driving away from the airport I quickly noticed that Clover was headed toward the wrong mountain. As she should have been driving toward Sunrise Mountain she was headed toward Mount Charleston. In Vegas it’s pretty hard to get lost if you can see the Stratosphere and you know which mountain you live close to. So when I mentioned to her that she was for sure driving the wrong way, she quickly said she was broke and that she wanted to go to the Blazing Nugget to “come up”. And since she knew we’d already be dressed from the traveling she figured that we’d wanna go too.
Pissed by her “figuring” I quickly snapped “Hell no, I don’t wanna go.” Because after listening to three days of jazz - which I detest by the way. (Although I went because how often do you get free tickets to world renowned music festivals?) So if I did want to go out, I was really looking forward to kicking it with a much much younger crowd. Therefore the thought of more geezers with their overly tanned pallor gawking at me was hardly tantalizing.
However Shasta who always loved “Old Man Meat” especially locals, was all too happy to go with Clover. Plus the Blazing Nugget has $2 Blackjack tables and they’re always good when the pockets are below a sufficient amount of money to adequately kick it on. And I am broke from this trip + this is Vegas = free drinks…
Snapping back into reality because I have a very different agenda in mind I still said, “No.”
While Shasta and Clover whined trying to get me to willingly go, I pleaded with them to take me home. Because I had to take care of some much needed business... However, once I mentioned the word “business” Shasta and Clover instinctively knew that I had planned to go home and surprise the Animal before it got too late and he had to make his shift at the Como. Knowing my intent and not being a big supporter of my Animal Rights, Clover disregarded my protest and basically kidnapping me, they whisked me off to the Blazing Nugget with them anyway.
As we entered the casino I became very angry and started bitching because I really wanted to be home and ravaged by the Animal. And not be bored at the casino with these heifers, especially Shasta whom I love, but I did just spend the last four days with her. But they ignored my Bitchfest and made a B-Line for the Blackjack table that was ripe with Old Man Meat dressed in high end golf attire and adorned with shiny Rolex’s and platinum pinky rings. Refusing to follow them to the tables I took a seat at the bar as far away from them as possible, but still able to maintain visuals - just in case...
As soon as I sat down I was already bored so I put $10 in the video poker machine and ordered myself a Dirty. Seething I watched from across the room as Clover and Shasta began enchanting the dirty old men with their captivating charms. Better known as their strategically placed boobs, which they are both very proud of - as they should be… Shasta’s are naturally huuuge; she says her “bra designer” told her she’s a 32 F, which I had never heard of before until I met her. But come to find out if you have a bra designer the sizes like in Europe are different. Bra’s by Shasta’s designer apparently takes your chest inch size down and your cup size up. Because a regular old Victoria’s Secret bra she’d simply wear a 34 DD. But in Shasta’s line of work original intimates are necessary. Whereas Clover’s boobs are a perfect 32 C thanks to the God of all Plastic Surgeons Dr. Ishmael Rothstein, of Summerlyn and Beverly Hills.
Geesh, could those old fools have been easier prey? I saw one fossil who was so eager to make Shasta’s list he damn near gave her his wallet trying to impress her, only after he placed his huge diamond pinky ring on her finger. Fool. While another old coot was rubbing Clover’s back with his left hand and trying to hypnotize her with the diamond slightly effeminate bracelet on his right. But no matter how hard the geezers tried to bedazzle Shasta and Clover they were still putty in my girls hands.
Deciding that watching them have fun while I was ready to go home and “get mine in” was torture in itself, I quickly returned my attentions back to my video poker game. Immediately losing $5 I gulped my Dirty and ordered another. Just as the bartender returned with my drink three really hot (age appropriate) guys entered the bar.
Trying not to be too obvious I pretended to play my poker game. But watching out the corner of my eye I almost became impatient waiting for one of them to come over and make conversation so that my night wouldn’t be a complete bust. Because the prospect of engaging in some serious mind to mind fucking with a potential was just the (although poor) substitution I needed since those waylaying witches so wickedly denied me my Animal rights.
I could tell the evening was changing because I immediately won $50 from a $1 Straight. Finally feeling the Dirty I was beginning to cool off from the high jacking of my evening. Just as I was about to cash out and signal Clover and Shasta at the Blackjack tables finally one of the hot guys approached me. He introduced himself as Xander and were Cole and Tristan. Returning the introduction I say, “I’m Raquel.” And just as I was about to turn their attentions to the Blackjack table where my sidekicks Clover and Shasta were working the old potentials Clover and Shasta miraculously appeared. With their arrival I completed the introductions and that’s when Clover, Shasta, and I began the always daunting yet very important task of choosing which guy was best suited to whom.
The six of us took seats at the big round table in the lounge and our newly formed group talked about everything from our similar backgrounds to what our favorite Vegas club was. After an extensive interview it was clear that Xander’s instincts were dead on when he approached me. We were getting along so well in fact, that at one point I wasn’t even regretting missing my meeting in the Animal’s bedroom.
Since Clover and Shasta hadn’t fared in the choosing as swiftly as I had, they invited Cole and Tristan to join them at a craps table for some fun. While the four of them were off at the Craps table Xander and I returned to the bar where we could quietly talk, sort of gamble and have much quicker drink service.
Xander was interesting to me because we were very similar. Both of us were from small towns in states that we refused to disclose. We’re both bartenders and were both in agreement that our reason for being in Vegas was because Vegas’ where the money’s at. But just as we were about to order more drinks some almost saggy skinned middle aged waitress rushes over to us in a panic and frantically informs us that our group of friends were at the Craps tables getting really rowdy, security had been called, and that it was best that we get over to them before they called the real cops.
Now pissed because I was on the precipice of Mt. Dirty and calming those crazy, obviously drunk heifers was not my idea of a good time considering my own alcoholic state. But having a responsibility to my luggage that was still in Clover’s truck and being towed was a real possibility I cashed out my winnings and Xander and I followed the waitress to the Craps table.
Immediately upon arriving at the Craps table I noticed Clover was out of sorts. She looked like a high Lindsay Lohan at the “Mean Confessions of a Former Teenage Actress” premiere. And that’s when I realized that it wasn’t Clover and Shasta fighting with other gamblers or even fighting with Cole and Tristan. They were fighting with one another. However it was Clover who appeared to be doing all the fighting. Also judging by her fast talking slurred verbal attack on Shasta, she was pissed. Which meant if Clover didn’t shut it up quickly there was gonna be trouble and real cops. All I knew is that Clover was screaming at Shasta about something I was too buzzed to care about and judging by the look on Shasta face she could care less too.
But just as security was intervening in the war of words Shasta who’s not much into verbalizing her anger hauled off and pulled her fist all-the-way back from Iraq and clocked Clover directly in the mouth.
It was at that moment things really got nutz…
As soon as Shasta’s fist landed on Clover’s face Clover reached in and grabbed Shasta by the neck. Responding to the firm squeeze Clover gave her Shasta placed her hands on Clover’s arms and dug her long natural nails deep into her arms breaking the skin and Clover’s grip around her neck. That brief break in holds gave security a chance to quickly grab them both in an attempt to put a stop to the escalating mêlée. Restrained they started yelling again and because it had turned physical I started caring about Clover and Shasta’s problem., because I started listening to hear what could have possibly happened.
With all the loud sounds of the casino it was difficult to understand what exactly happened. Apparently what had started out as a simple teasing gesture by Shasta to Clover in regards to Cole somehow turned malicious once Cole opened his trap attempting to capitalize on the joke. And because Clover is obviously higher than I suspected she got really upset and started talking some real shit, because Shasta’s usually cool demeanor escaped her and her deadly alter ego “Aileen Wuornos” emerged.
Witnessing what was surely turning into a full blown Ho Down, dumbfounded and not quite sure of what I could possibly do to quash this violent situation; I begged the pit boss to intervene because I don’t do fights. Especially public fist fights. After his delayed response I quickly learned in Vegas the pit bosses wanna make the gamblers happy and down here in the “Bottoms” also known as Downtown Las Vegas a good hot chick fight always makes the gamblers happy... Therefore, the police aren’t immediately called if they’re called at all.
Looking around the casino I wasn’t shocked by the audience Clover and Shasta had attracted with their scuffle. Just entering the casino as the fight broke out was a group of dirty old men who stopped once they saw the action. They were watching and just waiting for more blows to be thrown, probably hoping clothes would get ripped off, and boobage would pop out. Another group enjoying the drama was some young “Go-Getter” chicks who also stalked the geezer casinos. They were standing there in judgment shaking their heads pretending to be appalled by the fight, obviously hoping to appear classier than my friends. Other spectators included a group of Asian tourists snapping pictures of the fracas as if they were the paparazzi. And let me not forget to mention the many “Hoverounders” who congregated just to instigate the fight and call Clover and Shasta names.
It’s very typical in Vegas for a gaggle of meddlesome wheel-bound octogenarians to encourage a brawl. Many times they block security from quickly stopping the fight by positioning their contraptions in security’s path. Actually it’s been my experience that members of that contemptuously Ruled, electronically powered, sidewalk gang are usually the culprits and start the fights by doing things such as: rolling over your foot with their buggies. Or worse they park and not gamble at a favorite slot machine. And when you call them on it, they always make a fucking scene…
So when some prehistoric couple rolled over to where Xander and I were pleading with the pit boss to intervene (because security was obviously only making the situation worse) and said to him, “The two whores loud confrontation is causing us to lose our concentration and our money. So will you please shut them up?”
Pissed because it was obvious the prehistoric couple knew Clover and Shasta were my friends and they just wanted to call us whores, I got loud and spewed, “Shut it up you old troglodytes. Feeding the slots isn’t gambling. Don’t you know it’s so easy, a fucking caveman could it?” The pit boss not needing anymore trouble cut me off and told me to chill out.
But when the old coots pretended to be appalled after they heard Shasta declare that Clover charged an extra $500 for ‘bare backing’, they started demanding the pit boss call the real cops. I got so pissed (because I couldn’t believe those “ho’s” were talking so much shit) because those old fools were minding our business and talking smack about it; I put my high voice on and erupted, “You hypocritical old fucks, quit pretending you don’t know the dealio. You’re probably one of the umpteenth nasty ass old couples that blow my friends phones up offering an extra $3 grand just to get someone to do you both.” But as soon as I finished my rant the pit boss got really mad told me that was it and stormed off directing a security guard to watch me and Xander.
Although restrained security was unable to calm Clover or Shasta so they continued screaming and revealing each other’s Super Dirty Secrets (or is that Dirty Super Secrets?). No matter, they were for sure buggin’ the hell out and talking way too much. Some of the secrets were so super dirty I was beginning to wonder what in the hell those two were really up to out here in Sin City and how’d they really get money… But I’d have to worry about that later, because a full blown mêlée had ensued.
Shasta and Clover who both despised being restrained (for any reason other than to achieve orgasm) started fighting with security. The guard who was holding Clover almost lost his mind when he took a stomp to his foot by her 5” Jimmy Choo stiletto. However he suppressed his anger but gently applied more pressure to his hold but making sure not to hurt her. Unfortunately Shasta’s guard was not as reserved because he lost it after she slammed the back of her head into his nose in an attempt to break free. Seething with pain he cursed loudly. Then he twisted both of her arms hard behind her back and then pulled up on them, called her a “cunt” and told her he was “gonna break ‘em and then put the cuffs on..”
When it looked like the guard was really gonna break Shasta’s arms Tristan not liking his treatment of her bravely (stupidly) intervened. He grabbed the guards arm forcing him to let her go. Once Shasta was freed instead of even nursing her arms she turned around and spit in the guard’s face who had already engaged Tristan. Some of the crowd saw Shasta spit on the cop so they started yelling at her calling her names such as “pig” and “whore”. While other casino dwellers took offense at how the guard had treated her they started yelling back at the people calling Shasta names.
Just as the guard reached for his nightstick in an attempt to hit Tristan, Cole stepped in between them. The guard was so furious he didn’t even realize that Cole wasn’t Tristan so he immediately hit Cole on the side of the head with his stick causing Shasta to jump on his back. Watching Cole fall to the floor Tristan lunged in to hit the cop with a beer bottle on his shoulder. Soon there was a variety of casino employee’s, the herd of old people, and even the young chicks throwing drinks and cursing at anyone who would respond.
The guard who was restraining Clover summoned for help who quickly took charge and made Clover sit down on the floor. While the guard who had been restraining her attempted to help his partner with Shasta and Tristan’s scuffle. Cole was still lying on the floor was bleeding and not really moving. Then all of a sudden the elderly scooter bound couple who called Clover and Shasta whores saw Cole lying on the floor started talking more shit and threatened to tell the police I had started the entire brawl. Just as I was about to get in the old bitch’s ass for talking shit and making up stories the police finally arrived and broke up the fights and halted all the drink pelting.
While some cops were busy restoring order, others were questioning casino staff and others not directly involved in the fracas. Soon the investigating officers were directed to Clover, Shasta, Tristan and Cole as the initiators of the brawl. After a brief exchange with Tristan and a still laying on the floor Cole one of the cops gave him some napkins for his bleeding head and told them to stay put. As the rest of the cops were finally able to restore whatever order there could be in a casino they cuffed Shasta and Clover and threatened them with beat downs if either moved.
With Clover and Shasta quiet the cops returned their attentions to Tristan and Cole who defended their actions by saying they were defending Shasta from the guard. However the angry guard who had twisted Shasta’s arms behind her back stood close by calling them all liars, whores, and faggots. While Clover’s high ass claimed she was “just playin”... As poor Shasta remained quiet because she must have been in shocked. I could see the pain in her face from the abuse she suffered at the hands of the guard.
As the police questioned casino workers and patrons I figured it was a good time to make my way over to Clover and Shasta to check on Shasta. Besides I needed to get the car keys and any instructions about who to call in case they really got arrested. But as I was making my move I saw the same asshole pit boss (who I had tried to get to stop the fight in the first place) busy talking to a fat sweaty cop who was chewing on a piece of gum like it was cud, rapidly nodding his head and frantically pointing at Xander and me.
Not sure as to why the cop was pointing at us I told Xander to wait a minute and I quickly started walking towards Shasta and Clover. However as soon as I reached them and was about to quietly ask them what I should do, the same sweaty cop who I had just seen talking with that awful pit boss grabbed me – hard. He then placed my hands behind my back and cuffed me too. When I attempted to protest he told me to shut up because the pit boss had already made a complete statement and apparently he had named me as the ring leader who started the entire mêlée.
Quickly realizing the lying pit bosses fairytale was about to be real trouble for me I repeated my protest to the cop. However not caring about my side of the story the sweaty cop quickly forced me to sit on the floor, then grabs a dirty napkin, stuffs it in my mouth, grinds his teeth and says, “If you don’t sit down and shut the fuck up you stupid fucking whore and I mean right now, you won’t be so fucking pretty by the end of the night.”
Gagged, startled, and scared by his violent reaction I quickly realized that this cop must be crazy (because I didn’t even have a chance to speak) and in Vegas since crazy cops run in packs like dogs, I knew it was best to shut it up since him his crazy cop friends could cause us some real bodily harm over this bogus bullshit. Plus working in the club where I work I’ve heard all sorts of stories about cops not immediately taking women downtown to be processed. Many times they take them for a ride to the dessert where they rape them and sometimes beat them before taking them in. Most of the time just because they figured the women were prostitutes and just because they could. And since Vegas is full of prostitutes and they don’t count no one ever gets caught.
When Xander (who happened to be the only one of our newly formed cabal not under arrest) noticed the gag in my mouth he quickly began to complain only his objection fell on cop’s ears – you know those ears that listen to nothing but themselves no matter what the facts demonstrate?.. As Xander protested some of the patrons who had witness the cop’s abuse of us began to complain too, which only made things worse. Because the cops got madder and started threatening a bunch of the witnesses to either mind their business or get arrested for disorderly conduct as well.
Soon the cops had all the statements they felt mattered and they lifted us up off the floor by our wrists which were cuffed causing the cuffs to get tighter and tighter. After the five of us were standing they quickly ushered us out of the casino to the awaiting squad cars. Shasta and me in one car and Clover, Tristan, and Cole in another. At the start of the ride the fat sweaty crazy cop who had shoved the rag down my throat started in on me again. When it looked like he was gonna take us to the desert he said the craziest shit ever, “Yeah I heard all about your whore ass. You told the old couple that you’d take $3 grand to fuck them both. Well whore, how much are you gonna be worth once I’m finished with you?”
Now totally scared I just kept my mouth shut because I knew he was about to hurt me. While Shasta shot me the most terrified look. But as luck would have it he got a call on the radio. Apparently there was a gang shootout not far from the casino and they needed every available unit. Completely relieved we quietly exhaled and I just stared out the window the rest of the way.
Once at the police station I thought things would get better and I’d be able to tell them I had nothing to do with it, however the cops had others plans. Soon they separated Shasta, Clover and me from the guys and we never saw them again. The cops started taking our pictures which was strange because they didn’t take just one they took about fifteen. And then before we were printed or offered the use of the telephone they told all three of us to strip - everything including our bras and panties. Shocked by this request and not sure if I heard them correctly because I had never been arrested before I asked, “Did you just say take off all your clothes except our bras and panties?”
To which a big manly looking female cop responded, “No. I said take off your bras and panties too.”
Completely mortified by this request I objected but my request again fell on cops ears, she repeated it and told me to take off all my clothes or they’d take them off for me. Not sure of what to do I just stood there but Clover started to undress - of course she would stupid ho… And Shasta like me was very apprehensive. But soon the manly looking female cop said she’d count to ten otherwise it was my ass. Believing this big ugly bitch I quickly complied.
As soon as we were completely naked some other fat female cop came in with the fingerprint kit and began to take our prints. Soon another manly looking woman came in and started taking more pictures of us naked. She made us turn around and touch our toes, lift our boobs, and spread our legs all the while claiming it was to check for tattoos or scars. Finally they were done with us and I could tell it was all a bunch of bullshit because those bulldagger bitches got too much pleasure from it. Then they gave us each a sweaty wet Metro PD recruits T-shirt to put on and threw us in a small holding cell with a two-way mirror.
When I asked could I make a phone call the perved bitch with the camera said once our prints were run and we were no longer intoxicated I could call whomever I wanted. I said “I’m not intoxicated.” But they claimed that I was otherwise why would I have been arrested for public intoxication? Shocked by the charge the bitch ass bulldagger cop said sleep it off and she closed the door.
Hardly wanting to put on that sweaty nasty shirt I sat on the bench and tried to cover myself up. While Clover said fuck it and stayed naked and basically pranced around the cell. Shasta and I were so humiliated that they had us naked we didn’t speak a word so we just sat closely together on the bench so that those perved out guards wouldn’t continue to see our troiszone’s.
After what seemed like days but what was really about 7 hours a petite female cop came into the cell with our clothes and told us to get dressed because we could go and our luggage was waiting for us at the exit. Apparently the casino had decided to not press charges. Still in shock I wanted to ask, what the fuck was going on but Shasta hit me in the arm and mouthed “fuck it” and we quickly got dressed.
As soon as we were out of the police station I told Clover to stay the fuck away from me while Shasta told her if she ever comes around her again be prepared to die. And not caring about Clover’s truck because we had our luggage Shasta and I jumped in a cab and remained quiet the entire trip home.
Realizing that this was a typical sin of Sin City Shasta and I decided to never talk about it again because there was no one who could or would help. One thing I learned about Sin City is it’s all bullshit and the glamour is all a façade. Because what can happens to them usually will happen to you. Especially if you’re young, smart, and pretty.
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