Abandoned Life Autobiography: Part Fifteen:

New Beginnings – Her Soul Mate Appears 

Awaiting Love

I pick a shell up from the sand
The shell that sends sizzling messages in my ear
The earth and the people has disappeared
All that’s left is the ocean and
The under water creatures buzz
Searching for a pulse in ebb and flow
Under the sun so very hot
I sit and listen and wait
The earth is dry
But I cry myself sick
By the fire of heartache and pain
Alone! I cry my soul dry
Under the blue sky
All day long on my own
My heart belong to another
The earth cry along with me
For the rain to come
And to bring my love to me
All night my heart cried too
For my lover to come to me in rain
And take me far away from here
Oh! Listen to the wind
It’s kind and gentle
Singing its own love song to me
“Woman there with deep despair
“The time is coming
“He is almost here
“The time is near
“No need to fear
“Listen to your heart
“It is still alive
“Your love one is here
“To take you away
“Very far from here
“You wait no more

It’s a beautiful blue-sky day, no clouds and no wind.  Both sides of the path the color of a hot summer day tinted in colors of gold.  Though a touch of autumn can be seen as specks of color changes the scene on the dunes as she watches in silence.  The wind must blow far beyond the landscape that touches the sky and gracefully embraces the sea; closer to where mist will rise later and then creep closer tonight till it covers the lighthouse.

Tinka feels a little uncomfortable with that thought and in a hurry to get to her destination, maybe even a little irritable knowing only time will bring her closer to the end.

It’s been a long and winding road she has traveled.  Now that the beauty of a new beginning awaits her, the emotional road that she still walks is taking a greater toll.

The damp heat of the sea air and her longing wants suffocate her as she starts to walk faster.  She takes a peek at her watch.  The scene around her has changed knowing that she got lost again in her own thoughts and time catching up with her again.  She needs to get back home and cook dinner for her family; a family that does not appreciate her efforts trying to make life easier for them.

You can change things around you but never those around you if they are rebellious and stubborn like a mule.  People will never change unless it comes to the point of no return and Tinka had reached that point in her life.

She no longer cares what happens to her here anymore.  All she wants is to get out of this turmoil that is killing her slowly; its time to make a choice. Something she never thought she had to do not until Micky, her guardian angel - her soul mate took her under his wing, reaching out to protect her from physical and soulful harm.

"Empty Words"

With green leaves whispering above me
I wonder what their eyes can see
So high above
They breathe their words to me

I sit so quiet as quiet can be
Under skies so blue
Now and then
A cloud slips away

I hear a bird’ innocent call
What wonderful colors to see
The trees are so high
It touches the sky far above

Like the empty words of my dream
I sit here and listen
Most of you will not be troubled
By those empty words of my dream

But surely by the silent words
Of your conscious mind
High above I see you
A singing speck of grace

Skylark hangs still
Soaring in silence
I pause to hear them sing
Soul mate listen long… much longer than I

On this morning bright and fair
Gracefully she plays her part
Through the calm brisk air
I can feel the rhythm of life

The pleasure to be here
Alive and breathing
While green leaves
Whispering above me

I soar on wounded wings
Wings of friendship
Without words to hear
Empty!!

 She could never handle the idea of a soul mate it choked her up thinking about it now knowing she had found hers.  She quickly turns around and with heavy feet starts walking back home.

On a hiking trail Tinka wandered, and was comforted by the beauty of nature as tiny little insects scattered around to avoid some fatal moment under the movement of her feet.  She hesitated and looked at them, amazed she by the high speed they traveled.  In the movement of determination to go forward she sat down on her knee to watch them.  Ants marching along like little soldiers, not one step out of their way, it reminded her of her own stupid life.  It’s like a highway at peak time, keep left pass right no mistakes to be made.  They even looked to Tinka like little sailboats, a leaf in their mouth carrying their cargo.  “Cute” she thought to herself as she took a blade of grass and put it into her mouth to chew.  She drew a line into the soil with her finger.  It must look like a river canyon to them she thought as they took a 90 degree turn, running around in confusion all messed up.  “A total disaster” she thought until they got back on route, she smiled and thought, “this is what life does to her heart”; messes around with her feelings until she could sort it out and move on.  She stood there for a while to watch, and fixed the canyon back to a highway.  Then she saw his face in front of her, not for real but like in a dream.  She longed to be with her Micky knowing her soul mate would love doing this with her, share this special moment together.  She picked up a piece of wood and started to peel its skin bit by bit… piece by piece; she stripped the bark off.  To her it felt like she was stripping away every sad emotion, bad experience, every bad thing that happened in her life.  She felt like she just had to remove it and leave it clean and pure.  This is what her husband Michael did to her heart.  He took it bit by bit and changed her from happy to sad, sad to violent again, one moment covered with tears of fear, the next to silence, such distance between them now.  But for a moment she was connected to her soul mate Micky and lost in a beautiful moment felt total freedom and happiness within.  She felt happy until she had to turn around and walk away, her heart becoming an empty hollow place yet again where only doubts and misery lived.  And when within her dreams her soul mate re-appeared her heart would sing its own melody, a melody of love and care and "I need you" songs.  A melody filled with tears of happiness to be with him until it’s time to say goodbye,  reality waking her, the melody turning into a melodrama of missing her soul mate and longing to be with him.  Every time they are together and then part it becomes even more so and she turns her music on and starts longing to be with him, for the next time they meet again alive in her dreams.

"Soul Mates Call"

Below Mountain high

I stand

I listen

To echoes bouncing back

Back to my ears

As I call out your name

Hoping

Hoping you will hear my call

From afar

I hear a fish eagle's call instead

Below mountain high

I pray

On my knees now

That God

Will keep you safe in His hands

And lead us

Lead us to our promised land

Hoping

As you study His word

My soul mate

Hoping you will hear my prayer

As you close your eyes in prayer today

Where ever you are my love

Hear my call to you

 From mountain high

As I call out your name

I can hear

The call'

Of a lonely fish eagle

Just like me

And I know

Deep within my heart

You heard me

Because you know

And God knows

My love is true

As I say

I love You

But as bad vibes enter her life again, another misunderstanding appears and she knows this was not just a misunderstanding; that the bad still out there was waiting, and the beauty of love just all in her mind.  But she thanked God for the little love given by the thought of her soul mate.  All she needed was that ounce of true love, Micky’s love, which meant the world to her.  He was her soul mate and had become her world, separated by continents and oceans only time and their love could bring them together for all eternity!

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