As a frequent, frequent flyer, I have witnessed some of the dumbest things in the security check point line at the airport. As we all should know by now, shoes are a no-no. So please, I implore everyone who is about to embark on a trip that involves flying, DO NOT WEAR BOOTS. Yes, I know, winter is coming up, and there are all these hot looking boots in the stores right now, and you just can’t wait to show off how cool and fashionable you are. Forget it. When flying wear slides, sandals, clogs, whatever you can slip off and slip back on. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen the line held up while some chick tries to liberate her foot from a well fitted boot, without the benefit of a chair. It’s not pretty. So pack those damn boots.

Now there are a few other issues that seem to have everyone stumped. If you are traveling with a laptop, remove it from your case while standing in line. Hold it in your hand until you get to the conveyor belt, and then place it in a tray. If you are wearing a jacket, it needs to come off and placed in a rectangular tray. If anything is in your pockets, they need to be removed and placed in a round tray, not a rectangular one, a round one. TSA gets really upset if you don’t follow protocol. If you are wearing a hat, it goes right onto the conveyor, do not put it in a tray. All bags, boxes, purses, and computer cases, need to be laid flat onto the conveyor. Do not leave them standing up.

To speed this whole mess up even more put things on the conveyor belt in order of how you will be putting them back on your body. So if you are like me, the backpack goes on first, then the computer case, then the laptop, then the shoes. This way when my back pack comes out I fling it over both of my shoulders while waiting for the computer case. Once the case arrives I situate it with the opening up, this makes it a quick process of putting the laptop back inside. I then fling that over one shoulder, at which point my shoes have now exited from the tunnel of security. I throw then on the floor and slide my feet into them. Then I run like hell for my gate because I have just had to wait an inordinate amount of time for the two well-groomed, but totally clueless women in the fancy spike heeled boots (that do not have zippers), wrestle with their boots, purses, hats, jackets, computers, shopping bags and all manner of useless carryon baggage, before I can carry out my well thought out process of getting through the security check point at the airport without a hassle.