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Donna Hale Chandler

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By Donna Hale Chandler
Friday, May 14, 2010

Rated "G" by the Author.

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A scientist, I am not! Words of wisdom are usually passed on by those who already screwed up. I am certainly no exception.

Have you ever wondered what would happen if you removed a can of soda from the refrigerator and dropped in on a tiled kitchen floor?
When burning questions like that pop up, you can find the answer one of two ways.  You can EXPERIMENT ..... dropping your own can of soda on your own kitchen floor.  OR you can RESEARCH your question and ask others who may have already completed this little chore.
I suggest RESEARCH, and I know the perfect person for you to interview first ................... ME.
When a soda can slips from your hand and falls to the tiled kitchen floor, it EXPLODES and sprays sticky Coca Cola from head to toe and ceiling to floor ,,,,,,,,,,,,, into the crack between the refrigerator door and freezer door, under the stove, and even in between the pages of the phone book, if you happen to keep that book anywhere near the kitchen.  The spray is even strong enough to fly into the next room, falling onto all those surfaces and soaking into all those cracks.
The only thing to do is grab a mop, paper towels, spray cleaners, maybe even a bucket of paint and a paint brush for the walls, and go to work.  During this frenzy of cleaning you will probably hear tiny little ant voices in the distance saying something like "COME ON BOYS, FREE DRINKS, FOLLOW ME!"
After the kitchen and surrounding rooms are cleaned, throw yourself, completely dressed with your eye glasses ON, into the shower because you will surely be a sticky mess.  By the time you've showered, the kitchen floor should be dry and you can perform the Cleanliness Test ..... which everyone knows is to walk on your floor with bare feel.  If you don't stick, it's clean.
I've just completed the first portions of this exciting experiment, now it's time for my shower, followed by the Cleanliness Test.  (And there'd better not be any bugs in there looking for refreshments!)
 © copyright Donna Hale Chandler


                               DONNA HALE CHANDLER

                                   Author of:
                               LIFE HAPPENS (My Story)

                                                   Co-Author of:
                                            THE HINTS BOOKS




       Web Site: Please visit me at: POETICALLY CORRECT

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Reviewed by Judith Ann 6/6/2010
Very funny story. I'm starting to see a partern to your life sories. If it going to happen it will happen to you and it will sound hilarious when retold.
Reviewed by Charlie 5/26/2010
Dear Donna,

Thanks for your timely information, as I was just contemplating doing the same experiment on my own. Now I know.

Too bad you couldn't just dunk your whole kitchen in the sink and let it soak overnight in soapy water. I often wish I could do that to my computer's keyboard after my son has spilled a mug full of hot chocolate on it while playing on the computer. ... again ... after way too many warnings and reprimands for doing the same thing before. And of course I only find out about it when I go to type up something vastly important, and get my fingers stuck to the keys, or worse (or better) yet, when I try moving the keyboard, and find the goo hidden neatly, half-dried and smelling slightly of soured milk underneath.

And for the record, I've tried the experiment of leaving potatoes boiling in a pressure cooker so long that the metal tip popped off. This experiment will decorate your kitchen ceiling with salty herbed water, potatoes, skins and all! And in cleaning, you may need an umbrella-- watch out for falling clumps of mashed potatoes!

Your mutual experiment-minded, frenzied housewife,


Books by
Donna Hale Chandler

The Hints Book Almanac II

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Amazing Grace

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Beginning to Begin (Again)

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Life Happens (My Story)

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The Hints Book Almanac

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New Zealand with a Hobbit Botherer by Annette Gisby

What do you do if your spouse becomes addicted to the Lord of the Rings movies and swoons every time Orlando Bloom appears? Thud! Quick, fetch the smelling salts.....  
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The Miracle Man by James Skivington

Miraculous events in a tiny Irish village bring out the best - and worst - in everyone...  
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