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J. D. Means

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   Recent stories by J. D. Means
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Our 4th Dog, DUSTY!
By J. D. Means
Monday, February 24, 2014

Rated "PG" by the Author.

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While my wife is in the hospital, I clean the house.

My wife has been in the hospital for the past few days and me and the dogs have been batching it. Not too bad. After spending the day at the hospital, I would stop by the market and get a few rotisserie chickens and TaDa! Dinner is served. A walk around the lake, a shower and off to bed, praying that my wife is feeling better.

Well, my lovely wife had her surgery yesterday and it was a traumatic day for both of us. After 12 hours, she finally got into surgery and a 2 hour operation lasted 5 hours. To say I was worried would be an understatement. But at last, the doctor came out with a great prognosis, that her back will be just fine. A night in ICU to make sure she recovers from the anesthetic and then a day to rest in her room and she will be back home with her loving husband and three dogs.

With nothing more that I could do and a security guard threatening to pull his gun if I didn’t leave, I reluctantly went home to feed, water and walk the dogs. After which I wrote everyone e-mails and updated her status on Facebook. After spending an hour answering IMs on FB to family and friends, I managed to drag my tired self off to bed.

Waking up this morning, I noticed what my wife was talking about. The floor is sandy. I practiced sliding from one end of the living room to the other and soon had the dogs chasing me and barking. Since it was 4 am and I didn’t want to wake the neighbors, I fed them to shut them up.

I guess since we live in the desert and she walks around barefoot most of the time, she would notice this more than me in my flip-flops. So I began to do what I had promised and clean up before she gets home, so she won’t have to get right up and begin cleaning.

 

Finding the bucket, I fill it with fresh clean water and add some Dettol. Smells nice, this will make her feel better that the house is clean and smells less like a kennel. I am such a good husband J

 

I start at the top and begin in the spare bedroom. On hands and knees I take a wash rag and begin on one corner and mop it around a few strokes. The tile floors are one foot squares and I managed to make a mess that would fill a coffee cup. Hmmmm? I better sweep first. So I get the broom and sweep the entire room into the hallway. What an impressive pile of hair and sand. By the time I finish the two bedrooms and two bathrooms, I have enough hair and sand to fill half the bucket.

Continuing down the stairs, I sweep the kitchen, laundry room, office and into the hall. WOW! I have enough hair her to make a new dog! I will call it “Dusty”! After just two days of my wife being in the hospital, we have enough sand to make a decent sized sand box and enough hair to create and entire dog. I look around at the three inquisitive faces and expect to see hairless dogs, but NO! Not only are their coats long and luxurious, they seem to be molting right in front of my eyes.

So I decide to get ahead of the game and get the doggy brush and brush them out. Viola! Another dog! We could start a puppy farm here. I take the garbage bag of hair to the bin and say farewell to Dusty. Then I notice that the drive is filled with sand and sweep the sand pile in the house out to join its lost family and wash it out to the street, where hopefully the wind will take it to someplace else. Don’t feel alone people in snow covered lands; we in the desert have our problems too. I finally get the dust pan and take several trips to the bin with about 20 pounds of sand.

That done, I begin once again in the spare bedroom and take my fresh Dettol and wash rag and begin mopping the floor on hands and knees. I am so proud that my wife will come home to a nice clean houseJ.  Three buckets of Dettol and countless washing of the rag in the sink. One unclogging the sink from hair, the upstairs is finished.

I attack the stairs with a vengeance. The hair seems to be multiplying as I wash each step. Didn’t I just sweep these stairs? Honey! You need a haircut! I look down at her in the hallway, as she looks at me sheepishly. By the time I reach the bottom stair, there is another dog’s worth of hair standing in a pile, “Dusty Jr.” I swear girl, you are going to get another brushing and a vacuuming. This is ridiculous!

Three more buckets of Dettol and another two sink unclogging, I am finished. I collapse back in my chair and sip my coffee. Proud of how well the looks and smells. I am drenched in sweat and exhausted. How does my wonderful wife do this every day? What a pain.

Hurry up and get well, my love. I have a full time job and it sure isn’t as hard as this.

Tomorrow I will tell you about my experience of cleaning the shower, while showeringJ, Yes “Naked” Shower cleaning! Rule number 1, Never, ever, ever clean the shower, while you are in it, naked, with bleach!

       Web Site: Millie and Honey

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Reviewed by m j hollingshead 3/9/2014
well done!

m
Reviewed by Ronald Hull 2/26/2014
Very funny. Also sad that husbands rely so much on their wives to make a home. I spent a long time living alone and learned how to keep the house, yard, and vehicle while holding down a full-time job. At work they didn't appreciate that. Single folks have a harder time moving ahead than those who are married. I had a Pomeranian. Very low maintenance… almost no dog hair to deal with and no poop to pick up in the yard (it was small and dry--I simply mowed it and it made good fertilizer).

I sincerely hope your wife is okay.

Ron





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