a one minute play by Bill Johnson

SETTING: a room with two chairs.

CHARACTERS: Sam, Lilith, Voice of Announcer

AT RISE: a young woman licks the back of her hand and uses it to rub her face.

A young man enters and sits with great pleasure in the other chair.

SAM: I've been looking forward to sitting up in one of these.

LILLITH: Rough life?

SAM: Oh, yeah, the kids pulling bugs in my ears, husband and wife always yelling. And every time I hear the can opener, it's always the same, meat flavored -- 

TOGETHER: Corn! 

SAM: Chicken flavored-- 

TOGETHER: Corn! 

ANNOUNCER: A lapdog is needed in Los Angeles as a companion for a TV star; one only pampered, yappy lapdog to Los Angeles, please. Pit bulls need not apply. 

SAM: Being a yappy lapdog, that's my idea of hell. 

LILLITH: When a full-grown dog is afraid of a kitten, something's wrong. 

SAM: Been here long? 

ANNOUNCER: Dalmation to New York for elderly lady with arthritic knees; dalmation to New York, please. 

SAM: Housebound ones are the worst. My bladder always ready to explode. 

LILLITH: You get comfty. I'll teach you how to purr like a lion. 

SAM: That's your dream, not mine. 

ANNOUNCER: Homeless young boy in Ohio dying of AIDS needs friend; a lifetime of neglect and abuse. Volunteer, please. Volunteer only please.

           Sam looks around, squirms. Sighs. Gets up. 

LILLITH: Don't be a fool, you just got here. Where are you going? 

SAM: Where I'm needed. 

LILLITH: You dogs never change. 

SAM, leaving: You stay here and lick your fur balls, kid; it suits you. 

ANNOUNCER: Snooty, snotty kitty needed for a lifetime of pampering in Belize. Snooty, snotty kitty to Belize, please. 

LILLITH: That's my call.

          She stretches luxuiously, purrs, winks at audience, and slinks        away.