Ice T meets Darryl Gates

Ice T: (bragging to his boys) I’ve been pimpin for a long time. Ain’t nobody been doing this as long as me, not even mr. 11 albums himself. Me and Evil E on the wheels of steel! Man, bitches used to…

(he gets interrupted by a nudge followed by a voice asking, “yo, ain’t that Darryl Gates”)

Ice T: It sure is (starts walking towards Gates). Yo, Darryl! Yo, Darryl! Look at him trying to rush off. Yo, Darryl! (laughing) Where you going, baby? It’s me, Ice. (he thumps his chest)

(Darryl gates stops. His entourage of cops-turned-consultants, cops-turned-bodyguards and just plain old cops look like they want to reach for their guns; or bring back the chokehold. Either/or.)

Darryl Gates: (impatiently) Yes, Ice, what do you want?

Ice T: I thought we could talk, you know, chill for a minute.

Darryl: We don’t have anything to say to each other. Have you forgotten about Cop Killa?

Ice T: (laughingly) Come on, now, Darryl, y’all know y’all deserved that…if not more.

(Darryl gives Ice a cold stare)

Ice: It’s all good, though, baby. I play a cop now.

Darryl: You play a what?

Ice: A cop, you know, one of you, a pig. Oink Oink (he starts laughing)

(Darryl starts laughing too)

Darryl: I find that unbelievable.

Ice: It’s true . I got the contract right here. (he pulls out a scroll like document and unfurls it. At the bottom is his signature in dark red, almost like blood) I’m going to be making mad loot.

(Darryl looks at the contract, looks at Ice and smiles)

Darryl: So what did you want to discuss, Ice?

Ice: Well, you know, I play one of those sensitive types of pigs. I care about children and shit. (Darryl smiles) But I wanted to explore the character on a deeper level, you know, find out what makes him tick. Since you just happen to be here…by the way, what the fuck you doing here anyway?

Darryl: Oh, I just got hired on Law & Order: SVU as a consultant.

Ice T: No shit?

Darryl: Want to see my contract? (shows Ice a regular 8 x 11 piece of paper with typed writing and his signature in normal black ink at the bottom)

Ice T: Ain’t that a bitch?

Darryl: Ain’t it? Politics make strange bedfellows. (he walks off laughing)

Ice T: (stares at Darryl’s retreating back, adjusts the fedora he wears as a symbol of his character’s hipness and then mumbles under his breath) No, economics makes strange bedfellows.