A brief story about domestic violence.
* This is dedicated to a friend of mine, she knows who she is.*

I know in my heart that I was miserable and probably always would be.I want to tell you a story. It was a life learned lesson that I learned recently.
See, I had everything one could possibly want. I had a man that loved me, money, and a good career. Not to mention, I had a loving fmaily and friends. Let me back up to the "man that loved me," part. My man was something else. I'm not even quite sure that he loved me.
We were to together for seven years, and actally just got a married a little over a year ago. One would think that our relationship is in the honeymoon stage, right? Wrong. Super wrong.
For the past eight months, a couple of months after I was married, I was living in total misery. I swear Kris wasn't like this before. It's like he went Dr.Jekyll and Mr. Hyde on me.
Gettting out of an abusive relationship or marriage is harder than what most think. I kept thinking, " he'll change, he loves me." all of that. I concealed this abuse quite well from others. I believe the only one who suspected was my sister, who was around me a lot.
Kris would beat me in the morning once in a while before he went to work. Unbelievably, I still made it to work. Sometimes he raped me too. Yes, husbands rape wives, you didn't know? All of this started with name calling.
One day, I was in the den doing my rountine Tae-Bo workout, and I was so into it, I didn't hear him calling me. He finally comes into the room,snapping,
" April, didn't your stupid ass hear me? I've been calling you for five minutes now."
" Sorry baby," I stop and pause the DVD. "I was so into my workout that -"
"Whatever, bitch. You ain't good for nothing. I don't even know why I married your ass."
"Excuse me? What did you just call me?" I said , angry and hurt at the same time.
"You heard me. I need to walk out before I hurt you." he said.
At that point, I knew something wasn't right. I held my tears. When he walked out of the room, all I could do was cry.
A couple weeks later, he hit and raped me. I will never forget it.
We were in bed, and it was around noon. We had just got through making love. For the last couple of weeks since the name calling incident,everything was good between us. The phone rang, and I answered. It was my Mother, telling me that one of my good male friends that I grew up with, Jay, was back from overseas and asked about me.
"Tell Jay I said hello, Mom, and I am glad he made it safely." Mom and I talked a for a couple more minutes. I noticed Kris frown up and his expression darkened. I hung up the cordless and tossed it onto the nightstand.
" Who the fuck is Jay?" he snapped.
I explained that he was someone I knew since my days in the sandbox and that we were good friends.
" Bullshit" he said. He sat up and slapped me. " No man needs to be asking about you." Slap, then another slap.
I screamed, " Stop! What are you doing? You are overreacting!"
" Whatever," he said, and punched me dead into my stomach.
By now, tears were really streaming down my face. I couldn't even fight back, because I was in total shock that he even laid his hands on me. The man I have known for seven years stooped to this level? It seemed unreal.
" Shut up, before I really give you something to cry about." he snarled, like a father who just punished his child.
My cries instantly muted, but the tears continued to flow. He got out of the bed, got dressed, and left the house. I just laid in the bed for a few hours, pitying myself.
Later that night, he came in, all drunk. I was asleep, but I smelled liquor when he walked into the room, which stirred me. He took his clothes off. He got in the bed and nudged me. I still played possum. I really didn't want to be bothered. I was highly upset from the day's events. He eventually turned me over.
" Wake up, April." he said.
I opened my eyes. " I'm tired.It's 3 am." I sighed and tried to turn back over.
"I want some. " he said, pushing my nightgown up to my waist.
" No, " I said vehemently." You hit me today. I can't believe you. And I am supposed to accept it and then reward you with some pussy? No!"
" Well, I'm just gonna have to take it,then." he said, trying to force himself upon me.
" No Kris, No!" I shouted, but to no avail.
He punched me in the stomach,and yelled, " Bitch, you will do what I say! If I say I want some, you best give it to me! " he slapped me. Then he forced himself inside of me, roughly.
That was the first time he raped me. A day with two firsts. A beating and rape, from my own husband?
This continued for several weeks on end. I had to go to the hospital a couple of times. He even threatened to kill me at one point. One day, I finally snapped.

I had just came home from work one evening, earlier than usual. As I walked up the stairs, I heard a moan. I paused. " Maybe he's watching one of those pornos again." I muttered.
I continued to walk up the stairs and I heard the springs in the mattress squeaking. I heard the moans get louder.
My heart had already been broken with the misery of constantly getting beat, raped, and living in fear with Kris. Now my heart totally shattered. I was going to try to work it out with him, up till this point. I had finally taken all that I could take. I realized how dumb I was. I was even at the point where I was making up excuses for his abuse! He had promised that he would get help. He never did, and my beatings only got worse, and happened more frequently. Now, he was cheating on me!
I decided to bust in on them.
" Are you having fun, Kris?" I asked. Not loud, just loud enough for him to hear me.
" Oh my God, Kris! You didn't tell me about her! " the woman gasped, emabarrased.
" I am Kris's wife, " I said quietly. " But I am filing for divorce. You can have him. Does he beat you, too?" I asked stoically.
" What?" the woman asked, dumbfounded, as she fumbled for her clothes.
" Don't listen to her, Kandi. The bitch is crazy." Kris got out of the bed.
" April, we have to talk." he said.
" Talk, my ass!" I yelled shrilly. "You ain't shit! All you do is beat me and you want to fucking talk? I think not! It's over! I mean that."
Kris laughed, a weird, haunting one. " You ain't leaving me. You need me."
" Oh I won't? Watch me." I turned my back and walked out of the room. I hurried downstairs, trying to get out of the house. Before I could get to the door, he pushed me dead into the wall. As I turned to face him, he slapped me. Instead of taking his hits like I have been, I decided to fight back. So, with all my might, I gave him a right handed uppercut punch. He stumbled back, stunned.
" Bitch. You are going to get it. I'm really gonna kill you now!" he snarled, full of rage.
" Kill me then." I said calmly, pulling a gun from my bag. I had been waiting for weeks to get him back.
Kris laughed. " You ain't gonna do shit. You probably don't even know how to use it. Now, come take this beating like the bitch that you are." he came toward me.
" I loved you! How could you!" I yelled as I cocked the gun, prepared to shoot if need be.
What happened next happened in slow motion. He lunged at me. I fired two shots. I thought I killed him, cause he seemed to lay lifeless on the floor in his puddle of blood. I called 911 and waited for the police to come.
" Now you know how the shit feels." I said, tears streaming down my face. I thought hurting him would make me feel better, but it didn't.
The police finally arrived. Unfortunately, I was arrested. As they read me my rights, I shook my head and kept on crying.
Now people. I need prayer. I am now awaiting trial for murder. Yes, I killed Kris, and the state I live in doesn't have self-defense laws. Hopefully, I am not proven guilty. Ladies, don't let a man beat you down, or steal your joy. I'm telling you, it's not worth your happiness. One day, you may just end up losing your mind, or worse, your life.