I Didn’t Know
As she looked at the picture, she looked into a life in a time that was so far way. Instantly, she knew exactly the day, New Year’s Eve, 1989. She was thinner then, wearing a designer dress that cost five hundred dollars. All dressed up with plans for the evening and the entrance into a new decade. As she looked at the picture, she remembered that she had no idea the great change that was about to occur in her life.
Actually, her friend and partner who lived one floor beneath her took the picture. Little did she know that the picture was a moment in time that would hold and capture the beginning of her journey to freedom. God was in the midst and she didn’t even have a clue.
Of course the day began with shopping for that dress. All day long preparations were made for the party to enter into the new decade. This wasn’t a regular New Year’s party. But God was in the midst. Staring at the picture, she remembers that she had made up in her mind that before she made one step into the party that she would go to church.
Remembering this part of that night seems funny now. It was not even the type of church that she would attend today. But at least she had enough sense of reverence to know that it was important to be in God’s house. On various occasions, she was a regular visitor. There are just some things that we were raised to do that will never leave no matter how far away we stray.
After taking the picture, she went to the church dressed for the party covered with a full-length fur coat. The funny thing is that many people still do that today. It would not be a long service, because she knew that the regular Sunday services on lasted forty-five minutes. After the service, she would just call him and be on her way. Even at this point, God was in the midst.
As she sat there during the service, she began to review her life. The entire decade of the eighty’s, she was high and probably the seventy’s too. You may start out getting high for fun, but it ultimately leads to experimenting with other drugs into the downward spiral to addiction. Truth be told, she had gotten tired of getting high and the feelings that came after the fun was gone. She was determined not to enter into a new decade high.
There are some people who manage getting high taking care of their family and maintaining a professional job very well. It was really a weekend thing. Thinking back now, even the thought of that statement was the deception of the enemy that kept her in bondage.
Driving downtown to the party, she was determined not to get high. After all she had just come out of God’s house. Thinking back to where she was at the entrance of the New Year and a new decade, sitting and praying about her future. This was something that she had never done before. God was in the midst. Now the question was could she really do this tonight? Did she have the strength to resist the temptation? After all, she was accustomed to the best and of course the supply of drugs was not an issue.
She rang the security intercom thinking, ‘here we go.’ She opened the door and stepped into the elevator. There was an unusual peace and calm. God was in the midst. Usually there was anxiousness before entering into that place. As she got off the elevator, there was another buzzer to let her into the hallway that led to her destination. Walking down the hallway, as she got closer, she could hear the noise of the party. She rang the door bell and he opened the door. If she only knew that when she stepped in, she was stepping into the next decade of many changes that were about to occur in her life and they would be happening very soon. As she worked the room greeting all of the participants, the New Year’s hugs and kisses began. Actually she was kissing them goodbye to a life that was over. Within one year, the change would be complete and many of them she would never see again. God was in the midst.
Amazingly she did not touch any drugs that night. There was not even a desire. She just sipped on Moet. There were no cigarettes, marijuana, cocaine, or cognac. Her appetite had changed and she only thought that it was for one night. She did not know that God was in the midst and had answered her prayer.
Looking at the picture, she remembered something that amazed her. God had even sent a witness to confirm what He was doing that night. About three thirty in the morning, one of the guests, Masara was leaving and said something to her about her being different tonight. Masara did not know exactly what it was, but she could see it on her face. No one knew that God was in the midst.
Later in the year she succumbed to the temptations of the drugs. One night as time passed into the early dawn, she was faced down in a drug induced stupor. Crying and tired of being in the cycle of getting high, she called out to her father in heaven. She was so high that she actually thought that she was crying out to her natural father who had died when she was seven. Little did she know that God was in the midst. Thinking back on that night and the days that followed, she realized that God was working and had a plan for her life and it was not what she had planned. Salvation and total deliverance proved that God was in the midst. One of the things that she says in giving her testimony is ‘that God held back the hand of the enemy long enough for her to make a conscious decision to call out to Him.’ God was and still is in the midst.
Shortly thereafter, a move back to the place where it all began was a very important part of her journey. She remembers saying to God, ‘If you just let me get back home I will not go back to the old life.’ Little did she know that she was speaking of a covenant, a contract with the Almighty. But God in His grace and mercy honored her request. He even gave her the date to move home, the date to join the church, and even the date to get baptized.
Even though God was in the midst, the enemy came to test and to tempt because he had lost a soul. After her baptism, she was felt so full of life and something new and different had happened in her. Many came into the midst to tempt her and the resistance was easy at first, but the enemy was relentless in his attack. Once there was a situation in which the offer from the enemy was so tempting that God revealed himself audibly to her saying, “If you touch it your soul will be eternally dammed.” Immediately she was overcome with such a fear that left her shaking uncontrollably. She knew that these words were not hers as they were not a part of her language, especially the part about being eternally dammed. After that experience she was determined more than ever about her walk with God.
Another test came when she returned to the environment and the people that she left behind. Of course opportunities to fall were everywhere with abundance. Her flesh began to go through all of the desires that it would when she would first indulge. She lit a cigarette, went to the bathroom and the enemy thought that this was it because the only time that she smoked was when she was indulging. Again, she heard the words, “If you touch it your soul will be eternally dammed.” Again, God was in the midst. Without any hesitation, she put the cigarette out and went back into the room and sat on the couch. Even though she was in the midst of the enemy’s camp in her flesh, she was not there in her spirit. God was in the midst and He had given her victory in her decision that would propel her into her destiny.
Every person that is born on this planet, God had and has a great plan for our lives. There is a plan whether you are an unbeliever or Believer in your present state of existence. His plan did not include addiction to anyone or anything. One of the most important things that must always be remembered is that we were not born to be enslaved. As we go through the many changes of life from childhood through early teens and into adulthood, the thought never entered the mind to be addicted to something. When you ask a child about their plans for their future, the question is, “what do you want to be when you grow up?” The response is usually a doctor, lawyer, fireman, policeman, or etc. It is never, “I want to be an addict.”
Many may ask how does one become addicted? The enemy uses various methods to strategically devise an attack. The most common reason of addiction is because of the void or emptiness in one’s life. This void or empty space creates a longing or a need. The problem arises because of what is being used to fill the emptiness.
Another device is scars on the soul. These scars come from many areas of mental and physical abuse, neglect, and even words. If these experiences occur during our childhood years, these scars can be for a lifetime if not dealt with through the understanding of God’s love.
It is the love of God and the realization of how much He loves that will deliver one from addiction. Knowing that He took time to fearfully and wonderfully make you by knitting together every aspect of His grand design is an important key. You are His individual masterpieces formed for great purpose and destiny. There is no one that can take your place because He has never duplicated anyone to be like you.
The hole in your heart, the scar upon the soul, the void and emptiness, can only be filled and healing comes by knowing and understanding the power of the love of God. The love that He wants you so much, that He sent His Son, Jesus to be sacrificed so that you can be reconciled to Him.
The day that I realized the love of God and the power of that love was the beginning of a new and adventurous life. I did not enter into rehab or any type of step counseling program. I took one step and was to Jesus. He cleaned me up and took the taste and desire away. This year is my 20th anniversary of being free from bondage.
I realize now that He was there all the time, watching, waiting, and protecting me. His eyes were always upon me. Even though I was broken in bondage and scarred, His grace and mercy covered me while He repaired the damage the enemy inflicted upon me. As He made me over and continues to even today, it is easy to see that God + me= unlimited possibilities!
Blood Drop Inheritance Group
P.O. Box 6986
Myrtle Beach, SC 29572