I wrote to you yesterday and it was entitled Why Did You Let Him In?

Okay . . . here we go again. . .

Dear Diary,

Mom continues to let these ruthless beatings continue.  Her husband, my stepfather, told me that he was so tired of beating me and if he had to beat me one more time that he would surely kill me.

Well, todays the next time.  I begged my mother not to tell him that I received a 'C' in my class, but she told me she was obligated to tell him because he was my father.  I cried and cried.  He is not my father and I dont know why she insisted on trying to push this man on me.

He came home from work and she pulled him to the side and told him about my grade.  He came to me and told me as soon as he changed his clothes that he was going to kill me. 

I panicked.  I did not want to die.  I ran to the bathroom to think.  I put the lid down on the toilet and sat upon it with my head in my hands.  I nervously tapped my feet.  All the while I was trying to think of a way to save my life.  I could not think of anything, so I decided that if I were going out of this world then it would be by my own hands.  I slowly turned my head towards the medicine cabinet and opened my eyes.  Lo and behold to my surprise there was a full bottle of Bayer aspirin and a full bottle of Sudafed.  I thought to myself this is a good sign.  I took a deep breath, got off the toilet and slowly headed towards the medicine cabinet as I said my prayers.  I apologized to God in advance for breaking one of his commandments; Thou Shall Not Kill.  I opened the bottle of Bayer and started crunching on the pills.  They were nasty so I spit them in the toilet and dumped the rest of the bottle as well.  Then I took the Sudafed bottle and chugged it down.  I flushed the toilet and then took the empty bottles to my mom.  She looked at my face and then looked at my hands as I slowly fell to the floor.

I woke up in a hospital room.  I tried to slowly rise but realized that I was strapped to the bed.  As soon as I was about to panic a doctor and police officer walked in the room.  My heart started to rapidly beat.  I was so scared.  I was all alone in that room strapped to that bed.  What is about to happened to me I thought to myself.

Then the doctor introduced herself and informed me that she was a psychologist and I was on the psychiatric ward where all suicide patients are placed for evaluation.

I told the doctor that I was not crazy and that I wanted to end my life before my stepfather did.

She turned to the police officer and chuckled and then told me that all children get spankings.

Then I showed her my bruises.

The cop immediately stopped writing and came closer to me and told me with a stern face that he was about to speak to me off the record.  He told me that my stepfather could be locked a way for a very long time for what he had done to me and as he spoke tears of joy streamed down my face. 

Then he told me before I got too happy that if my stepfather went to jail then my mother would go to jail as an accomplice, because even though she did not inflict the wounds upon me, she was present and did nothing to protect me.  My tears of joy instantly turned to tears of fear and pain.  I did not want my mom to go to jail and I did not want to go back home.  My heart started to rapidly pound again.

Then he continued to tell me that if my parents went to jail then my brother and I would be placed in foster care and there was a huge possibility that we would not be placed in the same home.  I could not be separated from my baby brother.  I thought to myself what if he is placed in a worst home, if that is possible, than the home we are already in.  This was a huge burden that weighed heavy on my mind. 

He gave me a little time to think then he went back to his corner and asked me for the record why was I there.  With tears in my eyes I told him I was there strapped to that bed because I had a bad day at school and was very depressed and due to stress I took the medicine that landed me in that bed. 

He wrote down my words with tears in his eyes, and looked at the doctor upon the conclusion of taking down my testimony and she also had tears in her eyes.  They both hugged me tight and said they would pray for me.  I told them thank you for not turning my parents in because I would die if I were separated from my brother.

And then they opened the door and let them, my parents in.  I was released that night and now I am back home alive . . . at least for now.

I hope and pray I will live to talk to you another day diary.

Ciao for now,

Angel

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I am a strong advocate of children and feel they need to be protected at all costs. 

When I first posted the followign I received a huge response and feel this sort of thing needs to be published for the masses to let other children know they are not alone and hopefully to shock a potential predator into not committing such a crime.