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larry r linville

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Hearts of Gold Synopsis by Frank P. Whyte Portland, Oregon is known as the City of Roses. Of course thatís an odd name ..  
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Phydoux -- On Butt Sniffing
By larry r linville
Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Rated "G" by the Author.

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I told Phydoux that it's Christmas time and he shouldn't share this problem but he said he's going to meet a bunch of dogs at Christmas and he hopes you can give him some advice. So I'll let him take over now.

Do you mind if I talk about dog things? I think all problems for dogs have an equivalent among people. My dog problem is butt sniffing. Now donít start shouting that you humans donít run around sniffing the rear ends of others. Donít be so literal. You have things that are just as irritating.

Let me tell you about dogs. Perhaps you havenít paid much attention. One of our rituals of greeting is the butt sniffing. Itís much like you shaking hands. But just as there are several ways of shaking hands, there are several ways to sniff a canine rear. I donít know if you have hand shaking rules, but we donít have any rules for the olfactory greeting.

Some dogs walk up in a nonchalant style and take a quick sniff. That is something you would expect from a dog with dignity. It is done so quickly that you hardly know it has happened. Itís not irritating. It attracts no attention. It is civil. It so much like a firm handshake.

But there is another method that drives me crazy. I had one of these guys the other day. Hereís what he did. He bounces up behind you and slams that nose right up to your butt and then he follows you around as he continually sniff. You try to squirm from side to side but he hangs on like he is attached. You sit down and there is his nose. You run and he runs. You turn around to face him and he runs around behind you and continues. This really bugs me!

Iíve noticed some humans that come up to another person and takes your hand with both of his hands. They just hang on as they continue to talk. Their hands go up and down to accentuate every word they are saying. They pull you forward and push you backwards. Your arm gets sore and you believe it will soon be pulled out of the socket. You try to pull your hand back and he just grips it a little harder.

There is also the person who walks up in front of you and looks you right straight in the eyes. His face is close to your face. You are afraid he might even kiss you. You back up to get a little space and he moves close. You turn your head to one side and he just moves around so heís in front of you. You try to look away so heíll wonder what you are looking at but he keeps his stare right at the end of your nose.

I donít know what you humans should do about these people and I really donít know what to do about the crazy butt sniffing dogs. If you figure it out, please let me know.

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Reviewed by Walt Hardester 12/12/2007
I knew the moment I read the title this was gonna be funny. And by golly it is. But then there are the crotch sniffers. Ususally huge dogs that come right up and stick their noses in your crotch, and not gently either. You try not to look embarrased but the whole thing is humilliating. The owners always say .."Oh he's just getting to know you." So tell me Phydoux, why can't the dog just sniff our butts like they do yours?

Reviewed by Mr. Ed 12/12/2007
A most interesting topic, Phydoux, although I don't profess to know the answer. But I do know that my four dogs absolutely love to sniff my wife's butt, and it drive her mad, and it makes me laugh hysterically!
Reviewed by Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner 12/11/2007
A dog's gotta do what a dog's gotta do. Like reading Pee-mail. Tell me something, Phydoux, where do y'all store all that pee? Used to walk my Sultan (half chow-half wolf), no, check that, he used to walk me. ANYWAY, 'bout every five steps he'd water the grass or whatever was convenient. Needless to say, our hour walks took longer than that...I digress. LOL Dogs have no other way to say howdy, so they give the crotch and butt a good sniff (hello, how ya doin'?). I'd rather not do that...glad I'm not canine, although at times, it would be nice...just not butt sniffin'! LOL Well done, Larry, I love Phydoux. Put this in a book, and I want first copy!

(((HUGS))) and love, Karla. Merry Christmas to you and Phydoux!
Reviewed by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado 12/11/2007
LOL There's nothing more satisfying to a canine than to sniff the butt of another, be it a person, another canine, or another species altogether! It's the perfume of the dog world! Disgusting I know, but this is how they communicate. Don't understand it; makes me glad I'm not a dog! LOL Adorable write about a not so pleasant (if embarrassing) situation; geaux, Phydoux! You ROCK!!

(((HUGS))) and much love, your friend in Tx., Karen Lynn. :D

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