The first author's note to my memoir, Can't You Get Along With Anyone? A Writer's Memoir and a Tale of a Lost Surfer's Paradise
First, there’s something I have to get off my chest in this writer’s memoir.
If you’ve ever said or even thought the words “I’m going to write a book,” you may eventually do so, write a book. But if you tacked on at the end the word someday, as in “I’m going to write a book someday,” you never will. Trust me on this. I’ve done the research.
Along the same lines: If you’ve ever said or even thought the words “I could write a book” – with or without the emphasis on “I” – you never will do so, write a book. This is just the way it is. It’s annoying when people who’ve never written anything make these statements to people who actually do write. And it happens all the time, at least to me. One time this guy, in finding out I’d written a book he read, said, “I could write three books.” I wanted to pop him then and there.
That writing is difficult is best exemplified by the Gene Fowler quote I use as the opening epigraph (and on the cover): Writing is easy. You just stare at the blank page until your forehead bleeds.
Someone could write a whole book, a good book, let’s assume, about how difficult writing is and it would not come close to saying as much as Mr. Fowler does in that second sentence, and I very much hope you agree. If not, it may not work out between us.
But what’s my point?
If you’re one of those non-writers who has said, or has thought of saying, or is capable of saying, “I’m going to write a book someday,” or “I could write a book,” maybe now, knowing my attitude about these sentiments and with the imparted image of your forehead bleeding while you stare at the blank page, you’ll shut the fuck up.
But I doubt it. You’ll say it anyway. You and I happen to meet somewhere, you’ll probably even say it to me.
"In one ear and out the other" is the expression that comes to mind.