I know some stories start at the beginning, some work its way back from the end, well this is my story and Iím gonna start it from the moment it got good, the moment it got real good to me. I donít have to tell you how growing up black and female in the ghetto is inner-city/southern slum can be, see sounds good from the jump donít it. Same story incest, rape, homelessness, broke/poor, drugs and I can tell you now somebodyís getting something sucked. Same story different names, places and turn of events, and Iím starting when it got good to me, cause in this course of madness it did get good and that my friend is worth telling first.
His hands were gentle on me even wit the band tied around my arms as tight as it was, Mr. Charlie had a knack for helping me ta feel better. And as scare as I am of needles he eased me better den my own doctor.
There was a blinding light, come from da inside of me stretching up from ma feet. It done coiled itself up and around the steel rod dat holds me together. Da first explosion hits top and oozes all down da inside it coats da inside of ma skin and God…it….feels… sooooo gud, I feel like I floating in da air, I can’t tell how wide ma legs open now, then It explodes deep inside of my thighs and I’s dreaming of Willie Lee hands in da dark oh how I miss dat man, momma said he was too black fo me, but he loved me. Ain’t nobody hold me like he hold me, and ain’t nobody told me like he told me. And he aint never told me in words, he always told me in deeds, knew words scared me, they collect in da head den burst veins, you know you can die from things like that. But he gone na, good Lord saw fit ta take him away from me, but I can still feel him, like now I can feel him, I can feel him and I can see his face, dark as night kissing on me.
Tears start to roll down Kinzy face and drop down onto her voluptuous breast peeking out from the slip she had on. The day caught her slipping; life curled up on the back of her neck and just sat there. Like day found Kinzy, so did Mr. Charlie who was always there and ready. Na she was sitting in her bathroom on top of her toilet seat. The bathroom had always been her safe haven, her place of rest and comfort since she could remember. It was something about the cold white and pastel colors of the walls, the cold white sink, toilet and bathtub, the white little tile squares covering the floor that caught her there after her married man left her, after her ex-boyfriend shook her up for the first time, even after her mother past it was either the floor or the tub, but always the bathroom. Not always needles, because needles had always frightened her but she had slipped and she needed something to pull her back above the concrete.
Mr. Charlie said, “Women be needing help sum times, don’t nobody got ta no bout what I do fo you gurl, it gon stay tween just you and me baby, you no I can show you, let me make you really feel good”. He had given her a little powder-packet gift before that required her to hide as if she was a child, but the gift kept her above the concrete. All she had to do was breathe the light powder in her hose and her body would float, it would pull her back on to her feet and she didn’t have to think so hard she just did and when she felt she couldn’t do, Mr. Charlie did.
Sometimes this little southern neighborhood got too big for her, she moved back from Detroit where she stayed with her father for her high school years and now she was back on her own, doing for herself in Decatur Ga... Mr. Charlie was an older neighbor in her building who stayed in the apartment directly under her. He was extremely gorgeous for his age, dark smooth chocolate skin curving with gray hair and big hands, well traveled; life had been full for him. He was the kind of gentleman that never had to be alone, but he was very particular of the company he kept, always were even when he was young. He knew women, he enjoyed women and he really enjoyed Kinzy. He saw his opportunity, he saw her ailing and he knew what he could give her to get her and to pacify her and when she was ready he would help her lose the habit, he had done it before. He was good at saving women, what did people mean when they said it was no such a thing as superman? He was right here, right here in the flesh, a real-to-life superman, black as molasses and in the flesh.
After swooping in on Kinzy with his cape, it started with a hot bath in his tub, sea salt, wine and candles, a nice hot oil rub down and a light powder that blinded her and removed her from her very own body and while she was away from herself he moved in, not right away, not at first but slowly. He’d ease her out of her clothes, then out of her mind and body then he would ease inside of her, and explore her. He would taste her sighs, fill her with the tears she had been holding in and even her laughter, fill her up with her own emotion then when she was full so full he’d release her and watch her body glisten from the effort and finally the release. Her body would quiver like he never seen, and yes he had done this before, he had felt plenty of women needs, but Kinzy was so special, with her innocence and the ease and trust that she just gave herself over to him. She was a beautiful woman who didn’t know how beautiful she was, but he knew he knew women and he knew a diamond when he saw one, had had one before. This time he’d make sure it don’t crumble into star dust, he’d make sure to take care to ease her from her self-destructive self. He’d make sure that she released those ills that clung to the insides of her. He’d take care to fill her with that good stuff, including him; he knew he would be good to and for her.
The first time Mr. Charlie tyed her off, she was hysterical in tears from the wine and a depression he could swear that she was born with, how else could sadness wear her like a silk pink wrap around her body. Sadness wore Kinzy well, even her laughter held a hint of pain in it. She looked hard and soft at the same time and no matter if she was frilly or sweated down she was able to get a rise out of him, she turned him on from short cut to long weave. Kinzy was well worth the six months it took to get her into his place, the hundreds of cold showers watching her undress and rubbing her body, oh yes the first time was well worth it all.
Kinzy was wearing a black and white fitted dress with just the right skin showing, she quit her job because of harassment and she didn’t know when or where her next pay was coming from. But he knew from experience that it had been more to it, something as trivial as a job to someone who never really had to workwouldn’t have set her off so much.
It was easy for him to calm her enuf to ease the needle into her well-lit veins. She had undressed in front of him before it had even become almost natural. It pleasured him to just see the change take place in her, to see those doe eyes of her start to roll slightly in her head, her body giving slight quivers, her nipples perked and standing to attention and that long gorgeous neck of hers struggling to hold her head up. It was nothing greater than the first time and for him this was the first time and he knew that all the counseling, support was well worth going to her apartment, being in her bathroom and tying her off.
All her troubles and pain were forgotten, the cool toilet against the back of her back, she regretted not taking all her clothes off, the slip was irritating her skin. Kinzy felt herself sliding down, her legs opening, and she felt the stars inside of her beaming and gleaming and bursting. Kinzy felt so gud she almost forgot to breathe. She felt that hot liquid streaming through her body that she was leaving, and she wanted to cry and scream and laugh all at the same time. Then he came like always after that good powder, but this was different it was a rush, this had took her down and out and she almost hated Mr. Charlie for not sharing sooner, but here he was Willie Lee. She felt Willie Lee in the rain on that hot June night, after leaving Jr.’s, they couldn’t even hold it till they got home, she felt like she was going to die if he didn’t put himself inside of her. Oh how she loved that man, that Blackman. They had been drinking and being marry like they always when they were together. It wasn’t nobody on earth cept them. They be dancing and feelin’ and just being marry, and Lord how she needed him inside of her. It didn’t help that they were on his motorbike neither. He pulled over on a dark street and they went at it right there in the park at night against a tree and a bench and the wet grass in the rain and his dark skin was just as dark as the night and he was gone na, but she was feeling him, she was feeling him, she was feeling him right na. Kinzy wanted to cry, laugh and scream all at the same time.
She had left the bathroom and Mr. Charlie sitting there she was far gone, far into the arms of Willie Lee, his body was a brick wall tall with a strong jawbone and big lips. When he kissed her lips and her face it was as if she had died in his arms and when he filled her well there were just know words to explain that. That was the best thing about flying it always took her to Willie Lee, he be there out there waiting on her. He said he’d always be here, only now I got ta fly ta be wit him, got to go through that blinding light, dem needles Mr. Charlie got waiting fo me. Mr. Charlie take care of me so gud, he be so good to me.
After Willie Lee, I just don’t know how to talk to people anymore, I can’t help that I don’t even most talk to people anymore. Not that I was so good at it anyways. People always got me wrong took me wrong, came up with views of me you wouldn’t believe and instead of getting angry, crying or trying to change someone’s mind I just let people think of me what they want, fuck em’. Shit I went through enuf to have paid for future sins, fuck em’ shit fuck em’. I got my apartment with a view, of got a little cheddar fo shade and pollution, and I got my music, I even got a trail behind my apartment I can tye my shoes up and run till I can’t run no more and fall into the shower and bed and dream of Willie, Willie Lee, the man that was too black fo me, that was taken from me, that must had been too good for me too. We said when we got old we would grow wings and fly, that after we visited every place we wanted to we would plant the ground, grow and be profound. We would become trees not too far from water and we would make shadows in time, the two of us, together forever. He had a way of making me believe in fairytales something I grew out of long ago. Willie Lee and I would meet on the moon, I would let him spread me cross the sky, he was the one taught me bout dem stars, it was Willie Lee and not ma mammy, he’d spread me cross the sky and kiss ma eyes. So glad we had the time together we did, momma said it was me dat got him killed, whatin s’pose to love anything mo than God momma said God was jealous. She said nothing that black was pose to be loved like that. She said I must of got ma taste in men from being up there wit ma daddy, she said she know I luved my daddy but men like ma daddy wasn’t no good and wasn’t meant fo loving. Men that black and full of ideas just whatin’ no good. My daddy told me living in da south was better fo me anyhow, he said I could heal maself, if anything was ta happen ta me. My daddy said ta ask my momma bout the waters down there, not too far from me. He’d say just ta drive down to Louisiana were his people at and go down to the river, wit his momma and nem. He said he don told em’ all about me, sent dem pictures and everything. Said momma would never take me, she thinks they all devil worshipers. Daddy said momma was just crazy as hell and that if ever I wanted to go, just go. I wonder if I had anything to do wit momma dying I cried and prayed for God to take her and give me Willie back, but I didn’t mean it…I really didn’t mean it. Well he came got momma and left me by my lonesome.
Then this gorgeous dark man come along, spotted him after running two miles, coming home, he going into the partment too. He holds the door open for me and introduces himself to me at the same time sounding as if he had practiced it for a while, but he hadn’t, words just flow from his mouth on top of his voice which kinda slides and glides down into your ear. His words filled ma ear like a…a…tongue then slide downwards into my ear. He was so nice, polite and kind he had whats the word? Chivalry, that’s it, chivalry to him. And we made friends right off the back! Shit, I didn’t have to buy my own shade and Mr. Charlie had sum thing much better than my packs of pollution, much better.
See I been trying to forget that dat nigga who I tried to luv, took everythange, everything way from me when he killed Willie Lee. I tried ta luv him and he beat me. Den he got himself locked-up fo two whole years, he knew, he knows ma body whatin meant fo waiting, especially when he got home and he still wouldn’t be wit me…but he took ma Willie Lee from me, the man I told ma secrets too and still thought I was beautiful. The man whom willed me to feel love and I did. Na I didn’t kill Willie Lee his killa is in jail, gon smiling cause he know I’m locked-up too. He smiling cause he knows I is locked-up too. I live for escaping and that just aint noway to live.
This is really good Mitzi, it took me inside the head, heart and soul of the main character and let me feel and saw what she saw. If this is the beginning of a book it will be a great one.