|
|
Share
Print
Save
Become a Fan
Spectral Exile
By Nickolaus A. Pacione
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Rated "R" by the Author.
From Nickolaus A. Pacione, read at your own risk. Story is linked on Writings From The Grave. Warning -- this story has several nasty little surprises.
Author's Notes:
This short story is available on my main website as a PDF file, I haven't posted fiction on here in a long time but I thought I would share this one as a link on my main website. It is a really gory horror story so if you're not used to this kind of horror, this isn't for the weak of heart. My other works got picked up on Naked Snake Press, and this is the first work of short horror fiction I wrote since being published with that site.
How the story came about was from a conversation with my room mate about what her friend had done, pulling various people in the Goth community aside turning them on their head with some of the grilling he's done with them. So I sat down at the word processor and immediately after that, SPECTRAL EXILE, was born. It does take apart the Gothic Scene in Chicago, so if you are part of the scene -- read at your own risk if you get pissed off by some of the aspects of the story, it would be bound to happen.
As a horror writer who lives around the scene, it is hard to try to find the right things to say without getting in trouble for saying them. I write under my real name and now getting published for writing nonfiction too. I thought I would do a story that returns to the roots of my main website, and this story captures the roots in its full macabre nature. It is the most macabre story I've written in a long time, and it was a prospect for two anthologies -- one of the anthologies dropped me but the other one is saving it for another one.
Ever since I got published on one anthology, I've been doing more with ghost stories -- since I live near the most haunted cemetery it is always been an aspect I liked to play around with. So consider this story for your horror reads, there had been a lot of mixed reviews for this bastard of a horror tale. I'm not doing a FANDOM WRITER with this one. So for those who are on AuthorsDen you get to read this story one of two ways -- either as a PDF download or via WritersCafe.org. SPECTRAL EXILE was my return to extreme horror on a short story level, and I am hoping to be writing more short stories as time goes on -- and got a horror short story longer than most of my horror stories except for Halloween On Camera and House of Spiders 3.
I also realized later on that this story has a close cousin on the silver screen in the movie BONES. It has its Urban Gothic kinship, being an Italian-American, I have to acknowledge the horror movies created in my motherland of Italy, and this story is also a nod to those kind of movies too. With that being said, go on and follow the link to read the complete text of SPECTRAL EXILE. Something nastier than House of Spiders -- it was written as a challenge from Alex Rivera to see if I can do a story akin to House of Spiders, well here is the story just as nasty as House of Spiders. The SPECTRAL EXILE had just begun. I am in the process of writing a new story featuring the setting of SPECTRAL EXILE, but with characters from the story Ghosts In The Tornado -- both stories aren't sequels but they are sister stories. The newer story will show this and it is right now in the 9,700 word range.
This new story is looking for a home in print and will have a nasty little scare much like the two other ones have. This one will have as many jolts as House of Spiders and Bite of the Spider, but is is an entirely different horse. People will compare my other stories to House of Spiders because of the nasty little horror story I created there. Spectral Exile is one of those Urban Gothic tales while Ghosts In The Tornado is what they call Blue Collar Gothic -- blue collar gothic tales fall into the lexicon of horror that was started by both Stephen King and Richard Matheson. The working class style will show up in Spectral Exile -- stories that will carry a fright from the lower to middle class. Muscle cars and old buildings share a kindship in this one, There is nothing romantic about these Gothic horror tales, because they fall into the horror lexicon that is designed for one thing -- the good old fashioned scare.
This story is on WritersCafe.org because I will use the workd f*ck often in the story -- when that is present I have to have the story as an offsite link..
|
| Web
Site: Go on to read complete story.
|
|
Want to review or comment on this
short story?
Click here to login!
Need a FREE Reader Membership?
Click here for your Membership!
|
|
| Reviewed by Persephone In Pink |
11/6/2008 |
|
Hi--I saw this first on Writerscafe but then found a lot more of your stuff here! I have questions about this story. First, what is up with the narrator watching this teenage girl change clothes while his wife doesnt seem to be around? I wanted to know more about this triangle! Are the narrator and his wife polyamorous or is he cheating on her??? I asked my mom and she agrees that a monogamous man watching another woman get naked is cheating even if he doesn't have sex with her.
The idea of a DJ who summons evil spirits to dismember goths at a club is cool and original, but the actual story was a little disappointing. I saw a lot of sentence fragments, run-on sentences, punctuation and grammar mistakes, unrealistic dialogue, and awkward words and phrases. It's like the notes you would frantically type at 3 a.m., staring blearily into your glowing screen, after waking up with a great idea and wanting to get it down before you went back to sleep. You wouldn't post those notes with no revision. For example, I took literally less than 2 minutes to revise the first paragraph:
Original:
I was a mere observer, and the things that went on in Chicago as far as the Gothic scene goes. When it was all said and documented. No one really knows and is able to explain what truly happens, knowing in detail what is seen in the clubs and the madness wandering in the eyes of someone with an unseen illness. Living in Chicago, it's always been a magnet for the morbid and bizarre. Some of the accounts can be said from a point of view of someone who carries an unsound mind.
Revision:
As far as the Chicago goth scene goes, I was a mere observer. Even after it was all over and documented, no one could really explain just what went on in that club that night. I admit, this town can be a magnet for bizarre and morbid events, but to anyone who wasn't there, some of the accounts would have to sound like the ravings of minds driven off the rails by depression, drugs, and post-traumatic stress.
Anyone can see that the revised version is clearer and more interesting. The whole story could be revised in a couple of hours. It makes me sad that a writer wouldn't care enough about his creation to do that much for it before putting it up for the whole world to comment on. You can make this so much better if you try! |
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewed by SOULFUL SHEE G. Pulsing In Passionate Purple PassionS |
4/16/2007 |
|
WOW! YOur mind is EVERYWhere!
Thanks for the invite to read your dark gems!- I wrote a few of my own - My oldie but goodies!Avail. here on AD./Poems/etc...
All treasures should be savored!
WArmly, WArrior PURPLE Lady Sheeeoox
I read your Bio too!
Congrat.s!
I love spiders! and I saw HOSTEL, and Natural Born Killers!
I was facinated by the candice of the mind!
I will be BAccck...
When in a darker frame of mind, being a writer you know what that means to the creativess within~
Can I ask you 1 favor, use a bigger font size please! This is tiny...Now to your websites... to take a peek!
Again Congrat.s
Dark Cemetaries/Castles are intriging! |
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewed by Terry Vinson |
3/23/2007 |
|
Nick,
One of your best. Creepy vibes and a thick atmosphere of dread. I especially enjoyed the 'if they don't believe me, they can shoot my cremated ashes from a rusty cannon' line. Fine write. |
|
|
|
|
|