You know how your heart hurts when one of your children falls down? When they get up crying, holding a bleeding knee or bruised shin, we can't wait to hold them, to show our love in a tangible way that makes the hurt go away, or at least make it feel better.
How then must our Heavenly Father feel when one of his suffers pain, sometimes excruciating pain, sometimes trauma and agony, and we look around, unable to see him in his invisibility. How he must weep when we turn away and nurse our pain alone. Or when we invite untrustworthy 'comforterers' into our world of suffering, only to be undone by those we turn to for help and comfort.
Know today, my friend, that those of us who have suffered emotional pain, be it from abuse, abandonment, neglect, or assault--we are beloved by the Father who set our heart in motion...breathed His spirit into us, and bid us come forth into a world where such agony was not only possible, but probable.
Surely, He knew what we would grow through. He knew also that we would offer our broken heart to His healing hands--that we would become better because our mended hearts have learned the lessons that sorrow teaches, and we have found a way to make an invisible God visible--to our own eyes and the seeking eyes of others.
How do I 'see' Him? Where is He now? Why should I trust Him when he allowed my broken heart to be scattered across the landscape of my life--like litter, a thing to be despised, disdained, ignored? Why does it even matter, anymore?
Oh, my friend, it matters! Who is He, where is He, why I should trust Him: these are the building stones of my life--a breach repaired, a bridge rebuilt, a life recovered.
I see Him in His handiwork--a flaming sunset, the beauty of the Blue Ridge Moutains. I know where He is now, for He is with me every second of every day. He takes my faulty, distorted, world view and turns it upside down. The tapes inside my head say, "No one cares about you." The small still voice of God says, "For I (God) so loved the world that I gave my only begotten son that you (whoever believes in Him) could have eternal life." (John 3:16) The tapes inside my head say, "You are ugly. Not worth bothering about." The voice of God speaking into my heart says, "Forget your father's house and the King will desire your beauty." (Psalm 45:11)
Why do I trust Him? Because I have looked back over a life marred by abuse and neglect, and I see the hands of God weaving a tapestry of love in me. I see the decisions that I could have made in my agony, and the closed doors that kept me from going that direction. I remember when the 12 guage shotgun went off and a shot shell exploded just inches over my head at the exact moment that I stumbled and stayed alive. I remember the cocked gun a manic bumped against my chest, daring it to go off, and it didn't. Why didn't it go off? I believe the God whom I thought didn't care about me kept that hammer held back--how else did I survive? Not by natural means, of that I am certain.
I am a survivor of abuse, neglect and abandonment. I am also beloved. Loved by God, my husband, my children, many family members and friends. I am a Beloved Survivor.