a one minute play by Bill Johnson
SETTING: a room with two chairs.
CHARACTERS: Sam, Lilith, Voice of Announcer
AT RISE: a young woman licks the back of her hand and uses it to rub her face.
A young man enters and sits with great pleasure in the other chair.
SAM: I've been looking forward to sitting up in one of these.
LILLITH: Rough life?
SAM: Oh, yeah, the kids pulling bugs in my ears, husband and wife always yelling. And every time I hear the can opener, it's always the same, meat flavored --
SAM: Chicken flavored--
ANNOUNCER: A lapdog is needed in Los Angeles as a companion for a TV star; one only pampered, yappy lapdog to Los Angeles, please. Pit bulls need not apply.
SAM: Being a yappy lapdog, that's my idea of hell.
LILLITH: When a full-grown dog is afraid of a kitten, something's wrong.
SAM: Been here long?
ANNOUNCER: Dalmation to New York for elderly lady with arthritic knees; dalmation to New York, please.
SAM: Housebound ones are the worst. My bladder always ready to explode.
LILLITH: You get comfty. I'll teach you how to purr like a lion.
SAM: That's your dream, not mine.
ANNOUNCER: Homeless young boy in Ohio dying of AIDS needs friend; a lifetime of neglect and abuse. Volunteer, please. Volunteer only please.
Sam looks around, squirms. Sighs. Gets up.
LILLITH: Don't be a fool, you just got here. Where are you going?
SAM: Where I'm needed.
LILLITH: You dogs never change.
SAM, leaving: You stay here and lick your fur balls, kid; it suits you.
ANNOUNCER: Snooty, snotty kitty needed for a lifetime of pampering in Belize. Snooty, snotty kitty to Belize, please.
LILLITH: That's my call.
She stretches luxuiously, purrs, winks at audience, and slinks away.