Lost Son?...A Bastard Child's Journey of Hope, Search, Discovery and Healing
by Lawrence P Adams
||September 17, 2003
This is the true story of a child born to a nineteen year old unwed mother. Placed lovingly for adoption, he is instead thrust into the quagmire of the Michigan foster care system. "Stability" would be a word found in a dictionary, not in daily life, as he is moved fourteen times in eleven years. He is finally rescued and given a "home" at Boys Town. At eighteen, cast into the world of the unknown, without anyone or anyplace to call home, he goes forth with only hope and determination. Growing into adulthood, he searches for birth parents, an unknown heritage and sexual identity. Discovery of "true self" enables him to confront and overcome brutal and emotionally damaging realities from childhood which can no longer stay buried deep within his memory. This is the story of his difficult life battle, but more importantly, his ultimate victory...healing! BOOK IS NOW AVAILABLE TO ORDER ON LINE.
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These are just a few of the comments left at what was my website which after many months inspired me to write my book and gave me the courage to submit it to a publisher:
The journal of your life is exceptionally well written, emotionally overpowering and remarkably inspiring. I was engrossed in each chapter which evoked a multitude of feelings. Three cheers to you Larry, for all you've endured and overcome and for the new found peace you're experiencing as a result of your search.
Larry, Just want to say what a great story. I was glued to the screen for 3 hours. Quite unusual for me to read for that long. I've read your guestbook to and alot have suggested a book, I say A MOVIE...I'm seriously going to tell my brother to read your story. He writes screenplays and we were both adopted. I just began my search for medical info as I was blessed with a family. My brother is not biological but he IS my brother none the less. God Bless you. All I can say is your story is soul stirring.
Larry, I spent the last two days reading your website. You definately should have it published. It could reach so many more people and would be recommended reading for foster parents.
Your story is so inspirational! I pray that my children grow up to be adults with the integrity that you have. I hope they are able to overcome their harsh beginnings. I hope I am able to show them how important they are to me, the world and our family.
I am part of a grassroots movement that is hoping to make a change to the way foster care is right now. We hope to force the states to truely put the children's best interests first. I hope to prevent the children from moving from foster home to foster home as you did, and to make it easier for the foster parents to adopt the children and give them permanence.
God's blessings to you Larry and thank you so much for sharing your life journey.
I read your whole life history. I hurt when you hurt, cried when you cried, and became whole as you became whole. This story needs to be printed in book form and you also need to tell your story to young people all over the world in hopes that it will open their eyes to what they can become when they are determined. I am co-owner of Mending Our Broken Wings and read your story from cover to cover after your post to the group. God Bless and thank you for sharing with us.
I'm still soaking this all in, trying to type through the tears in my eyes. I was in foster care, only for a few months as an infant though. I was adopted, and last year, I searched and found my family. I just wanted to tell you, thank you for putting this all together, getting it out there for people to see, read, and learn from. May you always have strength, hope, and warmth. You are an incredible author, perhaps one day you WILL have this published. Good luck to you.
Larry......this was the most beautiful, heart warming site I have ever seen. I am in search of my birth father and have been for 2 years now. It has been very emotional and I hope in the end it will be rewarding. Reading everything on your site has helped me keep the urge and strength to carry on in my search no matter what the outcome may be. Reading what I have read this morning here on your website I have realized you are a strong, determined and awesome man and I wish you all the best with all the future has to hold for you. God Bless.
The stability of four years came to sudden end in May, 1960, when I was abruptly removed from the Monshor's home.
I would, as you see in the following chapter, be placed in yet another foster home (#11).
I remember that fateful day of May 17, 1960, like it was yesterday. We had celebrated Susan's sixteenth birthday two days previously. I scampered through the alley from school heading home.
Upon entry into the backyard, I saw Mom. She was crying. She came to me and held me. I looked up and could see inside the enclosed back porch, what had to be a social worker. Without a word being said, I knew then why Mom was crying. I was again going to be taken from the only ones I ever called Mom and Dad.
I broke down crying as Mom held me tightly. I tried as best as a ten year old could to reassure Mom. I told her, "Its okay Mom, I'll be all right. No matter where they send me, you'll always be Mom."
With that, I dried my eyes and went inside to "bag" my worldly possessions not knowing what would be in store for me. I knew I had to be brave for Mom! I packed a just a few possessions in the bag and went out to the living room. There was Mom standing by the social worker still crying. She asked where all my other things were. I told her she might care for another little boy and I would want him to have them.
I, one more time, hugged Mom and told her I loved her and to tell Dad the same. With that, before starting to cry again, I told the social worker I was ready. I ended up being the last foster child Mom and Dad would care for.
As the social worker and I made our way to the front door I could still hear Mom crying. I had to keep walking. Throughout all this the social worker said nothing. Little did I know, I would never again be returned to Mom and Dad's home?
The casual book shopper may think that anyone who grew up in this country's child welfare system could write a memoir of his or her experiences. It's not that easy. First, you've got to physically survive the system itself. With the all-too-common excessive numbers of foster home placements and replacements -- and the inconsistent quality of physical, emotional and medical care in those homes, that's not easy to do. Stability is a word such kids find in a dictionary, not in their daily lives. Not all the kids who enter such a system do survive. Too many of those who do are so damaged in one way or another that they wind up in prison or mental hospitals. Of those who do survive their passage through the child welfare system and manage to make something of their lives, many may wish to leave those experiences buried 'way back in some distant corner of memory rather than share them with others. How many would want to recall such difficult experiences and share them with those who may find such accounts incredible and unbelievable? How many would even have the strength to try to share such experiences? That's why Mr. Adams' willingness to share his life as a bastard child --a newborn infant consigned to the not-always-tender-mercies of Michigan's child welfare system -- is so amazing. His journey through the strange and bewildering world he had entered through no fault of his own has enormous emotional impact. The cost of surviving in such a world was high -- very high. This is a story of great pain and suffering. It's also a story of what one can accomplish when someone has great strength and --every once in a while -- discovers that someone may actually care about him. Pain can't be erased, but perhaps one can move beyond it... Sometimes that hope may be enough to survive. Adams tells his story with grace and warmth. It is highly readable and filled with a humanity which is all the more surprising in coming from one who experienced so little of it.
Kasey Hamner, M.S., Author of Whose Child? & Adoption Forum
“In Lost Son, Adams takes you on a heart wrenching journey of loss, pain, reunion, and joy. He leaves no stone unturned when he illustrates the horrific inadequacies of the foster care system—which were plentiful.He points out the inadequacies and places blame where blame is due. He recounts his suicide attempt, sexual identity struggles, and reunion joys and nightmares. As a survivor of four institutions and eleven foster homes, Adams is without a doubt an expert to say the least. I was moved by his description of the love he felt (and received) by one foster family and his wonderful experience at the famous Boys Town. When he later found out that this foster family tried to adopt him several times, but was denied without explanation, I was angered. His spirit always shines through regardless of the horrors and loss he has endured in his 50+ years of life. He is never the martyr. The horror hits again when his birth mother, after a twelve-year reunion, rejects Adams for being gay and the relationship abruptly comes to an end. Again, Adams strength and courage shine through as he removes the negative forces of his life and deals with an unfaithful partner after 22 years, and the epidemic of AIDS that has touched his life mmeasurably. The message that is loud and clear is that we must accept the circumstances of our childhood’s and move on while at the same time not accept abusive or toxic people in our lives today. He shares with us his lessons in life and how he has worked through the painful parts. Touched by foster care and adoption or not, we can all take heed of his advice. Triad members and mental health professionals need to read this book to learn about the issues that are general to adoption but specific to foster care survivors. Lawrence, your message will not soon be forgotten by this reader for sure.”
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Reader Reviews for "Lost Son?...A Bastard Child's Journey of Hope, Search, Discovery and Healing"
|Reviewed by Claudia VanLydegraf
I know what you have been through, because I traveled the other side of the road. I gave up two baby boys and so many nights and days I would wake up in cold sweats worrying about what had happened to my babies. If your journey was anything like mine, I am sure that the read is very worthwhile. I wrote "Notes from Nobody" a scant year after I reunited with both of my boys in 1998. It was published by PublishAmerica (AmErica House) in Aug 2001. I always worried about whether or not either of them or both of them were adopted or still forever sat in foster homes or, god fobid, an orphanage. When a birthmother gives up those precious little lives, she has no way of knowing what the fates will be. It is unfortunate in many respects, as most mothers would go back and get their children if they had any knowledge that the baby was not adopted.
WOrried, wondered, hoped and cried myself to sleep many years worth of nights over the giving up of my babies, but there was nothing I could have done at the time to change what was for me, inveitable. I am sure that over the years of long nights wondering about where and why and what happened with your birthmother, you came upon some of the same image soultions that I pictured in my minds eye.
Please contact me, as I think that we have much valuable information to share.
"Notes from Nobody", published by PA Aug 2001
|Reviewed by P. Michaels
Congratulations on your new book. I'm writing it down as one of my to buy books. Has your book been published yet? I looked at your copyright date. It's only a month before my second book's copyright date and it has not been published yet.
You might like to check out the free preview of "Trust In Me". It starts out with a boy who was kept by his mother and stepfather. His biological father raped his mother right before she met his stepfather. It's fiction, with a historical background. Also, check out the short story "That's Why I Love You". I think they might interest you.