If we ever want to accept grieving as normal, instead of something to be avoided, we must start with the children.
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Children are permitted to see us when we are at our most joyous. They see us when we are angry. They are allowed to see us in nearly in every aspect of our lives and come to learn that having and expressing emotions are part of life. But when it comes to death, it's a totally different story. They aren't allowed to go to the funeral because they're deemed "too young to understand" why everyone is crying. People hide their tears, lest the child ask questions. How are they to learn to understand when they aren't given the chance?
The other night, Jen came over when I was having a difficult time controlling my tears. In fact, I was crying really hard. Adam heard me, came to check on me, ran to the tissue box and brought me "a surprise for you, Grandma!", handing me a tissue. He then climbed onto my lap, wrapped his arms around me and laid his head on my shoulder. Jen was concerned that my crying like that would cause Adam to ask questions about why I was crying, thus making it more painful for me to have to answer him. I asked Adam to tell Jen why I was crying. He matter of factly said, "Cause you miss Cassy."