True story through the eyes of Pholina about the ultimate struggle we all have with ourselves througout our life in finding out who we are and why we are here.
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The ultimate feelings in life come from experience and deep within ourselves where no one else can see, touch, feel or smell them. The realization of my life and itís purpose has been my survival in a world that consists of concepts forming the very foundation of our beliefs and morals as human beings. What we think to be true, is then, true or becomes true. What we think we feel is then, what we feel or want to feel. We, the people in our society have spent hundreds of years trying to justify our existence based on theories, meanings or what we think are the meanings because we want to rationalize our infinite questions. However, all of this still takes us to the same fork in the dirt road, asking the very same question to ourselves, but we are all asking it at either the same time in our lives or at some other point that doesnít quite reach itís destination. What we ask is Do I exist? Or How do I exist? And Why Do I exist?
With this one question I have spent my life contemplating and thinking about the answer(s), wondering, feeling, analyzing and experiencing the physical world and the inner life, which we all lead within ourselves, on various different levels; some of us reaching its core and others not. In this inner life, for some it seems like a double life, I realize how I was, am now and will be by the time I die. These lives became a part of the answer to those questions and the sole purpose of my life; to pass on to those interested in their own existence and the answers to their infinite questions. My wish or hope is that for those who read my written words will experience for themselves, the truths and answers to their existence or help them find their way for the when and if they have become lost, were lost or continue to get lost in our individualistic sometimes selfish world. My vision is to help those who have struggled as I and to show them that there is a bright light some believe this light to be God or a part of God, which exists everywhere as long as we use the right energy to find it. I believe this light is both God and a gift from God, however, others will probably disagree or be skeptical until they see the proof of my words. I am going to be using a few characters to separate both of these lives to make it easier to understand the journey in which you will take in ready my story. Pholina is the side of me in the physical world and Anastasia became my inner life or the other side of me after years of searching for my real self as a whole person. Now this is much different from having a ďsplit personalityĒ because both are not complete individuals without each other and canít survive on their own. Many times over, these sides crossover each other results vary when this actually occurs, sometimes happiness or joy, sometime pain and depression.
My name is Pholina, as my story begins from the viewpoint of the physical world very early in my life and will continue to unravel in both forms of Pholina and Anastasia before your eyes. From my words or through them, I wish you peace, solace and the ability to find your soul, heal your wounds and never be lost. My story may seem complex and may require you to take reread parts again or take a journey with me that might surprise you but one that I hope you find rewarding.
Where does one or how does one begin?
Chapter 1 - (Here I am, the door opens and several people I donít know are walking in; in the beginning all I saw was darkness and now all I see is a tremendously bright white light shining on me)