An unpublished novel about a retired Navy Veteran and his sailing adventures along the Gulf Coast. See my article "Bubba Lee Boatbum" for details from a literary perspective.
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We co-authors invite you to enter the wacky, fun-loving world of Bubba Lee Boatbum, whose viewpoints on women, war, politics, females, religion, sex and young girls are shared unabashedly with all who will listen. The setting is mostly the Gulf Coast area during the year leading up to and immediately preceeding the 2004 Presidential Election.
Come meet the chauvinist, yet lovable Bubba, who is hopelessly in love with his ex-wife, Samantha, and find out whether his stumbling, amorous pursuits are successful.
Hit the "Download Free Preview" button above to read the complete novel
Excerpt
Grandpa Bubba’s 8 Rules For Dating Granddaughters
Rule #1, If’n you honk your horn when you pull up to my dock, you better be delivering pizza because you darn sure ain’t picking no one up.
Rule #2, Never, ever touch my granddaughter in front of me. If’n you do I’ll remove your hands.
Rule#3, Don’t never let me catch you looking at my granddaughter below the neck. I have a sure fire way to stop that too.
Rule#4, If’n you wear them baggy britches that look like they might fall down around my granddaughter, I’ll take my electric screwdriver and some of them stainless steel screws I use working on boats and fasten them securely to your most sensitive body parts.
Rule #5, I’m sure you heard that unprotected sex could kill you. If’n I hear you even thought about trying to have sex with my granddaughter, I will kill you.
Rule #6, I’m sure you think you’re a real heartbreaker. But if’n you make my granddaughter cry, I’ll make you cry.
Rule #7, Never ever lie to me. You may think I’m just some old fool that was borned yesterday, but when it comes to my granddaughter I am all knowing and unforgiving. Remember this, too, keep it at the top of your brain stem at all times, I have a gun, an extra anchor and lots of chain. I also have a boat, I know where the deep water is and what time the sharks like to feed.
Now that you’ve been properly introduced to ol’ Grandpa Bubba’s rules I want you kids to have a nice evening. Have her home early now, ya hear? And if’n you don’t know what early is, shoot for sooner rather than later, because soon’s I get to fretting, nothing but the wrath of god almighty himself can keep me from working all 7 rules at once. That’s rule #8.
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