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In recent years we have seen conditions continue to change in regard to our country's position in the world situation. We have constantly been updating our homeland security procedures in order to preserve the current quality of life as we know it.

But an even greater threat to society has been walking around right underneath our noses for a large number of years now. And that is the continued proliferation of stupid people.

For the longest time, most of us were going around minding our own business when it began to happen. Someone invented the Hokey Pokey, new Coke, and the Segway scooter. The filmmakers thought of Gigli and Alexander, and we were fortunate enough to meet Pauly Shore and Michael Dukakis. I have written this book as a public service for the average citizen who is forced to deal with this kind of stupidity on a daily basis.

Almost everyone overlooks the vast number of stupid individuals who are actually in circulation amidst the general public. The non-stupid population always underestimates the damaging power of a stupid person. And stupid people become even more dangerous when they try to concoct inventions or ideas which might improve their living situation. Some even go as far as trying to selling books. These people will cause pain, anguish, and considerable annoyance for innocent citizens without even realizing that they have driven the last 2 3/4 miles with their left turn signal on.

There are others who you may think are stupid, but their ideas prey on the stupidity of others with items like the Pet Rock, or selling grilled cheese sandwiches that look like the Virgin Mary on E-bay.

This book will impart stories of stupidity running rampant in everyday situations, on holidays, and on the airwaves.

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One of the greatest threats to American culture has been right underneath our noses for many years now. No, not terrorism. It is the continued rise in the numbers of stupid people.

If you're concerned about where you fall on the national stupidity color alert chart, you can take this little quiz to determine whether or not you're stupid:

1.) You go to a local store, which is five blocks down on the left on a busy street. You put on your turn signal:

A) After the third block

B) After the fourth block

C) After you turn on the ignition

D) What's a turn signal?


2.) You've just taken a job as a telemarketer. You:

A) Accepted it temporarily until you can find something better.

B) Are looking to expand your horizons by getting in on the ground floor of a company which will allow you to increase your previous earning potential threefold by doing something you enjoy, communicating with people, usually around dinnertime.

C) Just got fired at Wendy's.

D) Didn't see any job openings with Big, Fat, Obnoxious TV shows.


3.) You're going to the supermarket. You forget the brand of chicken your wife told you to pick up because it was on sale. You:

A) Think about it a little harder, because you are sensitive enough to commit all of your wife's favorite interests to memory.

B) Purchase a reasonably priced alternative.

C) Buy some extra pretzels instead, to go with all the beer you have at home.

D) Be sure and bring your cellular phone so you can call her from the poultry aisle while you have your shopping cart turned sideways in the center of the row, thereby tying up the aisle to hordes of shoppers who are approaching from both directions.